Blink
by IWillWaitForYou
Summary: Morgan Shepherd had the perfect life but things aren't always as they seem. Things were perfect, perfect family, perfect school, perfect grades, perfect friends, but things can change in a blink. I SUCK AT SUMMARIES! Give it a chance, I really like it and want to share it with people. WARNING DEALS WITH RAPE AND SELF HARM! RATED M FOR RAPE!
1. Chapter 1

Morgan P.O.V

Today was the first day of school. I had gone through my classes with my best friend in the universe, Megan Robbins-Torres and finished with cheer practice. Today had been like any other ordinary first day of school. Meet your teachers, learn the new rules, hang with friends, be dismissed, and finish out by going to cheer practice. Megan and I were walking to go where we always sat while we waited for our brothers to finish football practice. Megan's boyfriend came up and asked her to go eat lunch with him. She accepted the invitation. He offered to drop me off at home saying it was on the way but I knew it wasn't. I also wanted to give her some alone time with him. So here I was, on my massive school campus, sitting on a bench under the big tree, alone, in my cheerleading outfit. I of course didn't think anything of it. I had sat alone on campus many times. I took out my iPod, put in my head phones, and took out my notes from the day, reviewing my classroom procedures and new student handbook. I was so absorbed in my music and reading I almost missed the fact a hand was put over my mouth. I almost missed the knife being put on my neck and the strong arm that wrapped around my waist. I almost missed being carried to a van where I was blindfolded and had my stuff thrown on me. I almost missed the slamming of the door after being thrown in the back. I almost missed the screeching of the tires as I tried to scream but was in to much shock for anything to come out of my mouth. I almost missed the sudden jerk of the van as it stopped and the feeling of being lifted and dragged into a leafy area.

*EARLIER THAT DAY*

I woke up to the blaring sound of my iPhone's alarm clock. I groaned and picked it up and sighed as I saw 6:30 as the time. Right, it was the first day of school. Summer was officially over. I got in the shower and quickly washed my long wavy brown hair. I finished washing and stepped out of the shower looking in the mirror and smiling, something most teenage girls never do. Unlike most teenage girls I knew I was hot. I wore a size zero and a small, I had mid back length wavy dark brown hair, my fathers blue eyes, an amazing mouth and nose if I do say so myself, and wore a size 6 in shoes. I stood at 5ft 3in and had my mother's petite body. I was glad I wasn't like the majority of my friends, always trying to find something wrong with how they looked. I heard the second alarm go off on my phone which was the alarm telling me I needed to be in my brother's car.

I frowned and quickly began scrambling around my room trying to get ready. I walked into my huge closet and began searching for an outfit. It was one of those days I wished our school was like any other private school and had dress code but that was only for certain days, Wednesdays to be exact because we had chapel. I settled on some bright pink skinny jeans, a tank top that matched them, and a bright orange top that was open on the sides except for one stitch on each side to make arm holes. I looked at my wall of shoes and settled on some silver heels. I grabbed my silver coach purse to match them, my new backpack filled with everything I needed for this year, and my new wallet. I through some shades, my wallet, my phone, my iPod, some headphones, and my extra makeup in my purse. I sat in front of the mirror and put on some black eyeliner, very lightly, just enough to make my eyes pop, and some mascara. My hair, luckily, naturally dries like I've been working on it for hours but in reality I didn't even have to brush it. I put on a tad bit of lip gloss, took one last look in the mirror and headed downstairs. I yelled "Morning, love y'all, bye." To my parents while sprinting to the car. I made it just as my brother, Troy, was about to leave me. Troy is now officially a senior this year. It made me sad to think he would be in college next year. I got in the back since my 8th grade brother, Ryan, had already stolen the front seat. My little sister, probably one of my favorite people.

She was my mini me but with blonde hair. Troy quickly backed out of the drive way and sped to school. He dropped off Ryan and Taylor at the middle school entrance. He then drove us to his parking spot right beside no other than Jordan (his best friend) and Megan. I squealed as I saw my best friend. We threw ourselves in each other's arms and jumped up and down. Megan was sporting some neyon yellow skinny jeans, a blue top, and some blue shoes. She had her white coach purse and her long blonde hair in a side braid. We stopped jumping and interlocked arms and walked inside our school. We quickly unloaded our stuff into our lockers and made our way to our first class, accelerated algebra 2. We went through our half day which was made up of receiving our syllabuses and learning new school rules.

*BACK TO REAL TIME*

The man threw me to the ground which I had now decided was a forest ground. I tried screaming again and was successful this time.

"SHUT UP BITCH! ONE MORE SOUND AND I SLICE YOUR THROAT!" The angry, deep voice of a man screamed.

"Please, don't hurt me." I pleaded with the angry voice.

"Oh don't worry. I won't HURT you. I'm just going to please you." He said in a more kind voice.

"Please, let me go now and we can pretend none of this happened."

"As lovely as that sounds", I felt him stroke my cheek, "your just to pretty of a girl to pass up. Now shut up! ONE MORE WORD AND YOU'RE DEAD AND I MEAN IT THIS TIME!" I felt tears roll down my cheeks. "STOP CRYING DAMN IT!" I felt a strong blow to the left side of my face. I wanted to cry even harder but I knew that would make things worse. So I kept quiet. I felt my top come off and my bra literally be ripped off my body. "These are nice tits, what are you, a size B, maybe a C." I stayed quiet. I felt a punch to my chest. "I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!"

"A, a, a, B."

"Excellent." I felt his hands on my breasts. It took all my might not to cry. I felt his tongue run down my stomach and closer to my most private spots. I felt him pull of my bloomers and my panties. I tried to slap him but he grabbed my hand. I felt him twist my wrist and couldn't contain my scream. It hurt so bad. I screamed, loudly, which angered him. "SHUT UP! THAT LITTLE STUNT THERE SHOULD HAVE HAD YOU KILLED BUT I LIKE YOU! One more act of defense and you will be sorry." I felt tears roll down my wrist. I felt his hand over my pelvis. "Nice and shaved, just how I like them. Are you a virgin?"

"Yyyes."

"Perfect." He put his tongue, which tasted like a mixture of cigarettes and alcohol in my mouth and began kissing me. He finally stopped and I felt his hands rub all over me and then felt him begin to go in me. It hurt so bad. I held back my scream. "You are officially devirginized." I felt more tears roll down my cheeks. As he went in and out me it took all my strength, all my will power to stay quiet. After what seemed like hours, he stopped, he just stopped. I finally could breathe, that was until her forced my mouth open. I took this as my only opportunity to get away. I bit down as hard as I could on him and ran, as fast and as far as I could. At this point I didn't care about being naked, I just wanted to stay alive. I managed to pull off the blindfold and realized it was night time. I sprinted until I came up on a road. I looked around but there were no cars to be seen. I sprinted for what seemed like miles before coming upon a small house. I didn't care who it was, I didn't care about anything anymore. I hit the door as loudly and quickly as possible with my one good hand. The door opened to a young couple and a baby. I heard something about a hospital come out of the fathers mouth and then I collapsed.

Owen P.O.V

I'm the chief of surgery at Seattle Grace Mercy West, my main field of surgery is trauma. Today was September 6, school had started again and summer vacation was officially over. My son, Clancy, started first grade today. Many of my other colleagues' children started school as well. Normally, the first day of school flooded the pit. There was never anything to serious though. Usually a kindergartener got a hold on the stapler and ended up stapling their finger or sometimes the occasional allergic reaction because of an unknown allergy. There was also your occasional high school kids that wrecked their cars because they were so sleep deprived on the first day. The big traumas came at night though. Loads of kids drinking at back to school parties, and then driving causing them to wreck. My wife Christina, my best friend Teddy, and other friend Callie were all standing around the nurse's station, eyeing the doors to the pit, waiting for some huge trauma case. Suddenly I heard my pager go off, then Callie's, followed by Teddy's, and eventually Christina's.

We got trauma gowns on and lined up in the ambulance bay. The ambulance pulled up and a paramedic came out to brief us. "Jane Dough, appears to be about 14 or 15, looks like she was beaten pretty badly. She showed up at a young couple's door where she collapsed." The young paramedic opened the door to the ambulance where I saw a familiar form lying on the gurney. It was my god daughter, on of my closest family friend's daughter. It was Morgan Shepherd.

Morgan P.O.V

Pain, that's all I felt when I started to come to. My face especially, my cheek, eye, and nose. My wrist and ankle were throbbing but were nothing compared to how bad my face hurt. I screamed a little and then I opened my eyes for the first time and saw my "extended family" in a rush working on me. I heard a familiar voice, not really sure of who it was but it was so familiar. "Morgan, sweetie. It's Teddy, you're going to be OK."

I felt tears roll down my cheeks and felt myself starting to fall asleep. "Morgan, try and stay awake sweetie." It was a man's voice this time. I had heard it before but it was still a horrifying sound. I screamed and quickly shut my eyes trying so hard to sleep but I couldn't.

"Morgan, sweetie, please stay awake." Another woman's voice said. I tried so hard to remember the name of the woman who was speaking to me but I couldn't which made me begin sobbing and shaking. The same woman spoke again. "Can we get a sedative in here? Now!" I was still sobbing as I felt a needle go into my arm. I was finally asleep.

Meredith P.O.V

No parent ever wants to hear there parent is sick not even with a simple little cold. I love my four children with all my heart. They were my life so when I got a call saying Morgan was in the pit I drove as fast as I could to the hospital. I barged through the door to the pit and saw my daughter's sleeping form through a window looking in on a trauma room. I saw my friends, my colleagues, working on her. Christina saw me and came over. "I have to be with her, I really don't give a damn about hospital policy right now. What the hell happened to her?"

"I know, I'll let you see here as soon as they finish working on her. As for what happened to her, I'm not sure."

"What do you mean you're not sure?"

"An ambulance brought her in after receiving a call from a family. She showed up at their doorstep and collapsed. We are about 99 percent sure she was assaulted."

"Derek! Where's Derek!"

"Mere, he's in surgery. We didn't want to distract him."

"No, Christina, he HAS to know!"

"I know, I'll have someone tell him when he gets out of surgery."

"No, Christina he has to know NOW! I need Derek! Morgan needs her father!"

I watched as Callie, Arizona, Mark, Owen, and Teddy walked out of the trauma room. I was now sobbing at the thought of my baby girl being harmed. The group of my friends walked over to me. "How bad is it?" I choked out.

They all looked at each other for a minute before Teddy answered. "Not as bad as it could be. Broken nose, eye socket, cheek bone, sternum, and three of her ribs. She has a pretty bad sprained wrist and ankle too. She has a pretty bad concussion and there were a few deep cuts that had to be sutured too, most of the injuries were superficial though."

"Mark, you tell Derek, I can't not now. I need to be with her." I choked out.

"Consider it done." He said.

Troy, Ryan, and Taylor arrived and all looked worried charging through the pit door. They all ran over to us. "Mom, what happened? Is she OK? Who the hell did that to MY sister?" They all practically yelled at the same time.

"We're not to terribly sure what happened or who did it. She'll be OK she just pretty beaten up." I said.

Taylor was crying now, Ryan looked shocked, and Troy, Troy looked extremely pissed off. "When I figure out who the fuck did this to her." He started to say.

"TROY! Language please. You need to calm down."

"I'm not going to calm down. Someone did THAT to MY little sister. I should have protected her more. Mom I'm sorry. I should have taken her home instead of staying late at practice. I'm so sorry." He now had tears running down his face.

"It's not your fault, don't blame yourself Troy." Mark tried to comfort him. It seemed to calm him down a little bit. "I'm going to go get Derek." He said.

"Kids, why don't you all come home with us tonight?" Owen asked them.

With the exception of Troy they all agreed. "I want to be here with her. I have to." He said.

"Troy, she's going to be really scared and probably not want anyone here when she wakes up." I said.

"Please mom."

"No, this is one thing I'm not letting you get your way with. Go with Christina and Owen."

"Fine." He said defeated. Owen and Christina lead the kids out of the pit leaving me with Callie, Arizona, and Teddy.

I was crying harder now. The realization sunk in that some monster was TRYING to do this to my baby girl. "Mere, you've got to breathe." Teddy said.

I shook my head. "You have to be strong for her right now. She needs you more than ever." Arizona said.

That made me gain some of my composure. I nodded and made my way to the trauma room. I took a seat by her bed and took her hand. I sat there in silence for a few minutes before Derek through the door open. I looked at him and saw the tears forming in his eyes. He didn't say a word. He pulled his chair right by mine and we set in silence just watching our baby girl sleep.

Morgan P.O.V

I woke up in less pain than before but still confused. I looked over and saw my mother first. She didn't notice I was awake yet. I looked beside her and saw my father. I quickly remembered the man that raped me which made me instantly scared. I heard the beeping on the heart monitor pick up which made my parents aware I was awake. I started shaking and crying. Dad tried to comfort me by stroking my cheek which I answered with a shriek. He sighed and backed towards the wall. Seeing my heart rate slow down as he did this, he walked out of the room which made me calm down considerably. My eyes fell on my mother for a minute and then I looked out the window, ashamed to look in her eyes. I started crying again, I seemed to do a lot of that lately. My eyes fell on two police officers in the ER and my father sitting in a chair looking upset with my Uncle Mark's hand on his shoulder. I felt bad about making my dad so upset but I was just so scared. I didn't know why I was afraid of him, I didn't want to be afraid of him. I wanted to be in his arms, safe and secure, but I couldn't. It was all so confusing. The police officers, a man and a woman, walked in my room. The sight of the man in my room made me start panicking. My heart rate picked up a lot and I started to panic. The woman officer seemed like she understood and directed the man to leave which calmed me down yet again.

The friendly looking female officer smiled at me. "Hi, I'm Officer Pamela. Is it OK if I ask you some questions?" I nodded. I wasn't quite in the mood to talk. "Could you tell me what happened?" I sighed. I was really hoping for yes/no questions. I knew I would have to answer this question eventually so I took a breath and began.

"I was at school after cheer practice waiting on my brother to finish up with football. I was sitting on a bench reading all my notes from the day listening to music and I felt a hand go over my mouth and a knife be pressed to my throat. The man told me if I talked he would slice my throat and he threw me in his van. He blindfolded me and drove me somewhere, I'm pretty sure a forest. He then beat me up and once I got away from him I ran to find help. I don't remember anything after that."

"OK, did he rape you."

"NO!" I snapped. "I'm sorry, no he didn't. He took my stuff and beat me up."

"OK, well we need everything possible to catch him so we need to get your clothes you were wearing when he grabbed you."

"I umm, I don't know what happened to them." I lied.

"That's alright." She handed my mom a card "This is my number if you need anything. I'll update you as often as possible on any new information."

"Thank you." My mom said. The police officer left, leaving me with just my mother.

"Can I go home? Please.""Afraid not kiddo. They want to keep you overnight. Tomorrow though."

"OK."I rolled over not wanting to say anything else. I regretted it instantly. I felt pain all over the left side of my body, especially my rib cage. I rolled back onto my back and closed my eyes, praying I could go to sleep. I was pleased that they were as I slipped into a deep slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up in a different room to the brightness of the sun. I recognized this room. It was the same Seattle Grace Mercy West pediatric room I always had. When I tore my ACL, when I had an appendectomy, when I got my tonsils out, and when I broke my femur. I saw my mother sleeping in the bed next to me. I was suddenly overwhelmed with pain. I tried so hard not to act on it but it hurt to bad. I let out a short scream which woke my mom up in a heart beat. She quickly put a syringe in the IV bag and I almost instantly felt relieved. "I'm sorry sweetie, a nurse was supposed to do that earlier."

"It's fine." I mumbled out. I still wasn't in the best of moods.

"You can come home today if you would like."

"When?"

"I signed your discharge papers earlier so as soon as we get you dressed."

"OK." My mom helped me into some navy blue scrub pants and one of dad's t-shirts. Mom helped me into a wheelchair and began wheeling me through the halls of Seattle Grace Mercy West. Luckily, dad took me on the staff elevator and through the authorized personnel hallways so I wouldn't have to face people quite yet. We made it to the car after what seemed like forever. Dad was waiting in the car as mom gently helped me into the backseat. A few times mom and dad tried to chat but I wouldn't answer. My fathers voice still made me nervous and I was grateful to not be hooked to a heart monitor anymore. I refrained from screaming this time. We made it home and I was thankful my siblings were at school. I didn't want them to see me like this. I didn't want anyone to see me like this.

When we got home I made no attempt to communicate with my parents. I stayed completely silent and made my way to my room where I collapsed on my bed. My life was not perfect, not anymore. It was far from perfect. I had something taken from me I can never have back, my purity, my innocence. I didn't know what all would happen to me but I knew this, things would never be the same. I would always be broken, I would always remember that monster's voice. I would have to live with the fact that I was no longer innocent, I was no longer pure. I saw the way my parents looked at me, the same way their friends, my aunts and uncle did. They saw me as a victim, as a broken person and I hated it. I knew to them, to my family, I would always be a broken victim, never normal. What would my friends think? What would the people at school think? Would they still want to be friends with a broken person? I came to the realization that I hadn't showered. I still had him on me. He was all over me! I leapt out of bed and made a mad dash to my shower.

I turned the water as hot as it would go and undressed. Mom didn't say anything about showering but I knew that I should be careful with the broken bones. I untapped my ribs and chest. I took off the wrist brace too. I looked into the mirror at my naked body. For the first time I got a look at myself fully, all my injuries. There were handprints all over me, bruises covering almost every part of me. As I looked in the mirror I didn't see me. I saw someone with my eyes, with my hair, but I didn't see me. I would never be "me" again. I finally got in the shower. I couldn't stand for to long because it would hurt. I got the soap and began scrubbing my whole body. I was trying to feel pure again, trying to get every trace of him off of me. I felt myself sobbing although I was trying my best not to make a sound. I scrubbed until my skin began turning red. I stopped for a minute to see if maybe, some how I felt clean again but I didn't. I scrubbed harder and faster, as I did my sobs became louder. I heard a quick knock on the bathroom door but I didn't say anything. "Morgan? Sweetie are you OK?" I heard my mom's soothing voice but it didn't soothe me at all. I kept crying and scrubbing. "Can I come in baby?" She tried again to soothe me with her calm voice. I didn't answer, honestly it was impossible with my sobs to answer her. She opened the door and rushed to the shower. She opened the door to it and grabbed my hand. "Baby, stop sweetie, you're hurting yourself." I looked down at my now raw skin which made me cry even harder. Mom turned the water off and got in with me and wrapped her arms around me. "Baby, it's OK, calm down." She was trying to comfort me and I'm pretty sure if my skin wasn't so raw she would have wrapped her arms around me by now. She grabbed a towel and wrapped me up before helping me to my bedroom. With her help I managed to get tapped up again and into some Nike shorts and a cut off shirt. My arms were starting to burn like crazy which made me cry even harder. "Baby, it's OK. I'm going to go downstairs really quick and get some cream that will help the burning. I'll be right back OK?" As much as I wanted her to stay I also wanted my skin to stop burning. She left quickly and I stayed, curled in fetal position, on my bed, shaking and crying. She returned with a red tube of cream. "Can I put some on you?" I nodded again and felt almost instantly relieved as she rubbed the cream on my skin. My eyes were like waterfalls with a never ending stream of tears.

"Momma, I'm sorry." I choked out.

"Baby, why are you sorry? It wasn't your fault you know that right?"

I shook my head. "That's not why I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Why are you sorry sweetie?"

"For lying." I said, barely audible now.

"About what baby?"

"When the officer asked if he…" I couldn't get the word out. Rape. I knew I was raped but I couldn't say it.

"About if he raped you?" She whispered in a scared tone. I nodded. "He raped you?" I nodded again.

"I'm sorry momma." I was back to sobbing again.

"Shh baby, it's alright." She had me in her arms. I could tell she was crying too. "Everything's going to be alright."

"I wish people would stop saying that!" I practically screamed. I tried to pull away from her loving arms but she held me tight. I sat crying, sobbing, in my mother's arms for what seemed like hours before sleep finally won me over.

_I began dreaming, everything was in white. My whole family, well my dad's family, was over for Thanksgiving. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. All the sudden I was pulled to my room by a force that felt just like that of the monster. I was thrown on my white bed. With every article of white clothing he ripped off me, a white piece of furniture turned to black. Everything "pure" turned "dirty". I then relived everything that happened that night. Every feeling I had, every instinct I had, all the helplessness I felt. It felt so real. I screamed for it to stop. I pleaded with the monster to leave me alone. I screamed for my dad, for my mom, even for one of my aunts, uncles, or even cousins. I screamed for anyone. I smelt him again, the smell of cigarettes and alcohol. I felt his strong rough hands. I felt the cool blade of the knife against my throat. I screamed, I screamed so loudly but no one came to help. When my room and clothes had turned completely black he left. I began running down the hallways of my all white house, trying desperately to find anyone. Everything I touched instantly turned black. I ran down the stairs where I found my family but they were disgusted when they saw me and wouldn't come near me. Not even my Nana. I fell over sobbing harder than I had ever sobbed. I screamed and screamed but they ignored me. I was the outcast._

I was pulled from this dream by my father trying desperately to wake me but not scare me. I finally threw myself in his arms. I knew I couldn't go on without him and I just wanted to be held. "There there, you're OK my angel." He rubbed my back with one hand while the other stayed wrapped around me. I continued crying into his chest. Once my sobs turned into nothing more but a few tears he sighed. "Your mom had to go to work. She's taking the rest of the week of so she had to put in some hours today." I nodded understanding. "I'm so sorry sweetie. Is there anything you want?" I shook my head. "I just want to help."

I spoke for the first time to him since the accident. "You ARE helping. THIS is what I want."

He smiled. "Well, your wish is my command my princess." He held me until my stomach growled which I guess he managed to feel. "Hungry?" I nodded my head. "I'll go get some of the lasagna your Aunt Julia brought over for you. She knew it was your favorite."

"Thanks."

"It's no trouble." He left and returned a little while later with a plate of food. I sat up in my bed and ate. After eating I started to feel the pain of the broken bones.

"Can I have some medicine?"

He frowned. "I'm so sorry you're in pain. Of course, I'll be right back." He returned with a syringe. I frowned, when I was asking for medicine I wasn't expecting a shot. "Ready?" He asked while cleaning my arm with an alcohol swab. I nodded and felt the slight pinch of the needle but immediately felt the relief in my chest, face, and ribs. I started getting tired.

"What did you sedate me?" I asked sarcastically.

He laughed. "No, sorry, it's just the effects from the medicine. Go ahead, sleep."

"Will you stay with me?" I whispered, sounding more like a 5 year old than a 15 year old.

"Of course I will." I smiled at him and quickly fell asleep.

I slept easily through the night and into the next day. Whatever was in that syringe was my new best friend. When I woke up I was surprised to find my dad still with me. "You stayed?"

He smiled "I did."

"Thank you."

"Mo?"

"Hmm?" I mumbled out sleepily.

"How would you feel about your siblings coming home today?"

"I don't want them to see me." I said.

"Sweetie, they love you. They miss you and want to be with you."

"Do they know?"

"Everything that happened? No, well Troy does. Ryan and Taylor just think you were beaten up."

"Thank you for not telling them. Wait, who all knows?"

"Your Aunts, Uncles, and Nana." Great so Aunt Julia, Aunt Arizona, Aunt Callie, Aunt Danielle, Aunt Kathleen, Aunt Nancy, Aunt Amelia, Uncle Mark, Uncle Jeremiah, Uncle Mike, Uncle Tommy, and my Nana. I really wished they didn't know.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry it's just you know how they are, one called another and next thing I know your mother and I are on a massive group call with everyone."

"And they know the WHOLE thing?" He nodded. I felt tears roll down my cheeks.

"Baby, they don't judge you. They think you're so strong, you are so strong."

"I know, it's just them knowing makes things so real." I cried. He held me while I cried some more. My eyes quickly became exhausted and I couldn't keep them open. The whole sleeping all the time sort of sucked. I slowly fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Morgan P.O.V

Days went by of me staying locked in my room. It was now Saturday and I was dreading going back to school Monday. I still had barely let my brothers or sister see me yet let alone my friend. I was dreading the weekly family dinner where all of my Seattle family would come over tomorrow night to eat and talk. That also meant I had to see Megan. What was she going to think? She didn't know everything but she knew most of what happened. I still kept getting extremely tired and decided to take a nap. I set my alarm clock for 3:30, three hours from now. I began having a dream.

_Everything was dark and I couldn't see much but boy could I feel it. I felt his hands on me again, I smelt his breath, felt the pain he inflicted on me. This was by far one of the worst nightmares I had had yet. I screamed for help and I screamed in pain. Help didn't come. The monster continued raping me. I screamed and tried to fight but nothing changed._

I was finally pulled from this nightmare by someone shaking my shoulder, pleading with me to calm down. My eyes flew open and I saw the face of my brother, my best friend, my protector. I had originally planned on staying away from him but my instinct was to throw my arms around him. He, being the wonderful brother he is, took my mom's place on the bed and held me while I cried. "He can't get you Mo, I won't let him. I've got you, you're safe. No one will EVER hurt you EVER again. I love you so much and I'm so sorry. I should have skipped football, I'm so sorry." I wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault, that it was OK, but my sobs made it difficult. I calmed down and put my head on his chest. I quit crying for the first time.

"It's not your fault you know. You couldn't have stopped it even if you were there."

"Then who's fault was it?"

I shrugged. "This fucked up world's I guess."

He laughed. "Never did I ever think I'd here the day you would drop the f-bomb."

"Well it was necessary."

"I won't tell."

"You better not."

"I love you Mo."

"I love you too Troy."

I heard a knock on my door. "You can come in." Troy answered for me. I saw the door open and Ryan and Taylor with a basket of food.

"Mom and dad said to make you eat…" Taylor began.

"And we thought maybe a picnic in your room would be a good idea." Ryan finished.

"Aww you guys. Come on, hop on the bed." I said. There faces were just to sweet to pass up. We ate our sandwiches and snacks. After that Taylor put everything in the basket and sat it on the floor. We all sat on my bed, none of us knowing what to do. Ryan looked sad. "I'm sorry Mo, I should've protected you better."

"I should have stayed on campus and waited for you." Taylor said.

"Tay, Ry, this is no one's fault, don't even try to blame yourselves."

They both still looked sad. I heard a huge roll of thunder outside. "Oh, mom and dad had to grab some things from the hospital they told me to tell you they'll be home soon." Ryan said. I nodded. We all sat in silence again. Taylor started crying, then I did which caused my brothers to cry. We all sat on my queen sized bed crying for a long time before I burst into laughter. I don't even no why I started laughing, but I knew it felt good. Troy started laughing too and before I knew it we were all laughing like crazy people. No one spoke we just laughed. After a while I got tired and decided I didn't want to be alone so I got a serious look on my face.

"OK, I'm tired but I REALLY don't want to be alone so will at least one of you stay with me until mom gets back."

"We'll all stay." Troy said.

"Thank you." We all got under the covers, the same way we used to when we were little on vacation, and I slowly fell into another sleep.

_I began dreaming again. I was at school, still bruised and upset. Girls that I had thought were my friends were pointing and laughing at me. I had a red A on my shirt, the scarlet letter. It wouldn't come off, as hard as I tried, the A was there. I ran to the bathroom crying and sat on the floor for the remainder of my dream trying to get the A off._

I woke up to the blaring sunlight coming through my window. I was shocked when I looked at the clock which read 4:45 PM. It was Sunday now and my family would be here some time around 5:00. I wasn't ready to see them but I didn't really have a choice. All the happy feelings I had from yesterday were gone. I was feeling like a whore yet again. I went to my bathroom where I saw my ugly self looking back at me. The swelling in my face had gone down but the coloring was worse. It was still purple but had yellow mixed in now. I saw the reflection of my now crying eyes. I quickly locked the bathroom door and sat on the floor crying. I got an idea, the idea to pick up my razor. I broken it and took one of the blades. I was about to press down on my wrist but knew I wouldn't be able to hide it. I quickly pushed my pants down enough to expose my hip bone. I sliced vertical lines on my hip and watched the blood drip down. It felt good, to be in pain. I don't know how but it made me feel better. For a second, the pain from the broken bones, from the rape was replaced with the pain from the cut. It felt so good I did the same thing on my other hip. I sat and watched my blood flow from my hips. I needed to shower before the family got here so I took the razor with me. Every time the bleeding would slow down I would slice a new cut. Once I finished showering I got out and sat on the floor in my bathroom. I watched my blood for another minute before making an attempt to stop the bleeding. I kept pressure on my hips until the blood was replaced with a scrape. I opened my cabinet and put gauze over my hips so there would be no chance of anyone seeing the blood. I went back into my room and changed into one of my many soccer t-shirts and some black Nike shorts. I put on some makeup and brushed through my hair.

I made my way downstairs and prepared myself to see my family, my friends. I plopped on the couch and turned away so I wouldn't have to see my family right away. After a while, the doorbell rang. Troy answered it. It just so happened to be Aunt Callie, Aunt Arizona, Megan, and Henry. I was glad Aunt Callie and Aunt Arizona had already seen me. I was also grateful Henry was in 8th grade like my brother and knew not to ask to many questions. I decided I needed to talk to Megan, tell her all that happened. "Hey Mo." Megan greeted.

"Hey Meg." I said. "You want to go up to my room and talk?"

"Sure."

We both walked up to my room and sat on my bed. "I assume you know what happened?" I asked.

"Just what my moms told me."

"And what did they say?"

"That some bastard beat the hell out of you."

"That's all they said?"

"Yeah."

I sighed. "Ok, well I need to tell you something and you need to try and not freak out."

"I'll do my best."

"That ass raped me."

"Son of a bitch. Your parents know right?"

"Yeah, at first they didn't but I told my mom who told my dad."

"I can't believe my moms didn't tell me."

"Only a few people know, your moms know but I guess they wanted to make sure I wanted you to know."

"How do you feel about the whole thing."

"Scared, mostly. What are people at school saying." She didn't look to happy. "What? Just tell me. Please? I don't want any surprises tomorrow."

"Some are saying you've just been skipping, some think you're sick, and some think…"

"Think what.""Ok, some people, mostly the people we don't like and that most people don't like are saying you went and got knocked up."

"Where did they even get that idea?"

"You know how it is. They're jealous that people like you and want to ruin your life."

"I guess I'll have to deal with it."

"Mo, there's something you're not telling me. I can tell."

"I'm fine."

"No, I know you're not."

I wish I could tell her about the cutting, about how much it had helped me deal with all this. I really wished I could tell her but then she would worry and tell her moms who would tell my parents and cutting was the only thing that helped right now. "Would you be fine? If you were raped?"

"No. Please Mo, you know you can talk to me. I might not understand but I can try."

"It's nothing." I brushed her off wanting her to just drop everything.

She frowned. "Girls! Come down! It's time for dinner!" I heard my mom yell.

"This conversation is NOT over."

"Let's go." We both walked downstairs and into the dining room. I took my usual seat between Meg and Troy. Once everyone had food, people began talking. The adults were talking about work, the kids about school and sports. I made it through dinner not having to talk to anyone thankfully. After dinner I went straight up to my room and into the bathroom. I was feeling really upset for some reason. Maybe it was because everyone's lives were going so normal and mine was falling apart. I cut one relatively deep cut in my hip before I heard knocking on the bathroom door. "Just a minute." I called. Shit. That's all I could think. I quickly put some gauze on my hip and covered it with my shorts. I cleaned the blood that had dripped on the floor and hid the blade. I flushed the toilet and ran the water in the sink before opening the door. Meg was on the other side.

"What was the whole leaving thing about?"

"What do you mean?"

"You always hang around and talk after dinner to everyone. The only words I heard you say all night was "Can you pass the salt?" Mo, I'm worried about you."

"Stop worrying. I was raped ok. I have a reason to be acting a bit different! God can't I just be alone for like 10 minutes?"

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes!"

"I'll be down stairs if you change your mind."

"Fine."

She walked out of the bathroom and I followed. I went to my bed and held my pillow and began crying. I hated everything about my life at the moment. I thought about how easy it would be to just quit. To die. I thought about how easily I could do it too. There were so many pills and alcohol around the house, so many knives and guns. I shook my head. I didn't know what got into me to make me think that way.

I laid on my bed crying and holding onto my pillow for dear life. It suddenly became hard to breathe and my ribs were screaming in protest of the way I was breathing. I felt my heart rate go up and felt myself begin to breathe very quick and sharp breaths. I realized if I wanted my ribs to stop hurting I needed to calm down. I held my breath for a minute and began trying to think about happy things. I finally calmed down but I was exhausted from crying. I felt myself fall asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Morgan P.O.V

I woke up on Monday morning, at 7:00 AM. It was my first day back at school and I have to say I was NOT excited. I stumbled out of bed and into the shower. After that I sat in front of my mirror and thought of anything to do to make my face look better. After a while I finally decided it was pointless. I threw on some skinny jeans and my favorite t-shirt. I made my way downstairs avoiding my parents and going directly to the car. We pulled into the parking lot where I quickly found Meg. She could tell I really wasn't in the mood to talk which I was grateful for. Together we walked through the hallways of our high school. I saw people pointing and whispering. I tried to ignore it but I couldn't avoid it.

Nicole from the cheer squad came over to me. "So is it true, you went and got yourself knocked up? Was the guy at least any good? It's obvious he liked it rough." I heard a group of kids laugh. I just walked by her making my shoulder whack her intentionally. I went directly to my first class, not bothering to even look at kids in the hallway. I took a seat in the back of the room. I waited and after what seemed like an eternity, the teacher began the lesson.

I went through my next few classes like a zombie before it was time for lunch. I needed to make a stop by my locker so Meg and I took the detour to get to it. I was shocked when I found it. I saw in big red letter WHORE written on it. "Mo, I can go get someone to come clean it." Meg said.

"No, I don't care. Just leave it. Let's go."

"Mo…"

"Let's just go!" I snapped a little to harshly.

"Ok, let's go." She replied slightly hurt. We walked to the cafeteria where tons of people were now pointing and laughing. I didn't even want to eat so I just made it to a table with Jordan, Meg, and Meg's boyfriend Kyle. Troy was almost always late to lunch but I knew he would join us. "You really should eat." Meg tried.

"Not in the mood." I said.

"She's right you know." Jordan said.

"Shut up ok? I'm not in the mood."

A group of guys, the whole baseball team to be exact, and there groupies, mostly the girls they slept with, came up to our table. "So, what's it like being the most hated pregnant whore in the school?" The leader, George asked.

"Maybe you should leave her alone and she's not pregnant, and defiantly not a whore, not like your little slut you keep around." Meg said motioning to George's girlfriend.

"Bitch." The girl said.

"I might be a bitch but it's better than being a prostitute."

"At least I don't hang out with pregnant girls. What are you going to be on that show "Teen Mom" now? Tell me Morgan, was it for the attention?"

"Of course it was for the attention, not only is she a whore but an attention whore." One of the other guys said. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I looked around and realized the whole cafeteria was basically staring at us.

"OK dude, you are way out of line. Why don't you shut the hell up and get your little gathering of bastards out of here?" Jordan said.

"What did you call me?" The rather tall muscular guy said sizing up Jordan. Jordan stood up.

He was about to say something but Meg got involved. "He called you all bastards which you are, and you girls, you are the REAL school whores."

"Shut up bitch." George's girlfriend said.

"Why don't you make me?"

"Maybe I will!" Next thing I know Meg is fighting with George's boyfriend and Jordan is fighting with the other guy. Kyle was currently trying to pull the other guy off of Jordan.

"Maybe you should fight your own battles whore." George yelled at me causing me to cry even more.

"What did you JUST call MY sister?" I heard Troy come up.

"Only what she is man, a WHORE!"

"She was raped you fucking BASTARD!" Now Troy was beating the crap out of George. I ran to the nearest bathroom and locked myself in the stall. I put the lid down on the toilet and sat down. I began searching my bag for anything I could use to cut. I settled on a broken pencil that seemed sharp. I cut deep in my hip and sat crying on the toilet. I heard the first bell ring which meant get to class. I wiped my eyes and made my way to my next class. I noticed Meg was not here which meant one of two things, either they all got caught or the fight was still going on. The teacher began the lecture but was interrupted with the classroom phone ringing. I knew that this was the call to make me go to the office.

"Morgan Shepherd, you're needed in the office." I nodded and walked out of the room ignoring the "Ewws" of my classmates. I walked in and the secretary told me to take a seat. I looked around and noticed the injuries of everyone. Troy had blood coming from his mouth and was holding an icepack to his hand, Jordan looked worse with a swollen eye and bleeding nose, Kyle had an icepack on his shoulder and gauze shoved up his nose, Meg had scratches on her face and what looked like bite marks on her arm. The other kids looked worse however and George, George was nowhere to be found.

The principal walked into the area where we were seated. "Morgan, good you're here. Can you follow me please?" I nodded and followed him into his office. "So basically I don't think YOU personally will wind up in any trouble. I've called your parents though and we will have to all talk together about what happened. Will you tell me in your own words what happened?"

"I got to lunch and sat down at a table with Meg and some other people when a group of people came up to me. George was calling me… he was saying I was… he kept calling me a pregnant whore and um Meg was trying to defend me so she said some stuff about his girlfriend which made his girlfriend mad. Some other guy joined in and they were calling me a pregnant whore, an attention whore, and a slut. Somehow the first two fights broke out. Meg and George's girlfriend, and Jordan and the other guy. Kyle tried to help Jordan because the other guy was bigger than him but George kept calling me a whore and Troy heard which made him really mad which made him began beating up George."

"Who all was at your lunch table? First and last names please."

"Just Meg Robbins-Torres, Jordan Sloan, Kyle Andrews, and myself."

"Thank you, that'll be all until your parents get here."

I walked out and into the area with the chairs. I noticed George's girlfriend's parents were here as well as the still un named other guy's. I saw Mr. and Mrs. Andrews with Kyle and my Aunt Julia and Uncle Mark with Jordan. After a while Aunt Callie and Aunt Arizona showed up and eventually my parents. After that the individual parents were called in and then all of us at the same time. The principal began. "Children, we will do this in a civil manner and will respect each other as we do it. I'm going to tell you basically what I gathered from all of your stories, not all the details will be accurate but I hope it is pretty close. Basically, with the information I have accumulated through all of you and a few witnesses, what I believe happened was that Megan Robbins-Torres insulted George Cortez's girlfriend Laila Tyler, causing him to insult Morgan Shepherd causing Jordan Sloan to insult George Cortez causing Samuel Harrison to insult Morgan Shepherd causing Jordan Sloan to begin fighting with Samuel Harrison causing Kyle Andrews to step in but somehow Laila Tyler and Megan Robbins-Torres to fight causing George Cortez to begin insulting Morgan Shepherd even more causing Troy Shepherd to start a fight with George Cortez."

"THAT'S BULL SHIT!" Practically everyone that actually seemed to understand what happened which basically meant Kyle, Troy, Jordan, Megan, and myself.

Everyone began screaming at each other and the principal brought all our parents in and everyone went dead silent. "You forgot the part where we were sitting, minding our own business, and then those jerks came and started saying completely horrid things that were no where near true about Morgan." Kyle said with a hint of anger.

"Kyle!" His father scolded him.

"Is that true Morgan? Is that actually what happened?" I felt everyone's eyes locked on me. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't say anything so I just nodded. It was all to much, remembering everything that the asses said to me.

"She's freaking lying. She's just a dirty little attention whore." I felt more tears. Mom put her arm around me.

"Dude, that's my sister. If anyone's a whore it's your dirty little girlfriend. We all know why you keep her around."

"Troy!" I heard my father snap.

"No he's right Uncle Derek, it's true." Jordan said causing George's girlfriend to burst into tears.

"Jordan!" Uncle Mark and Aunt Julia both snapped.

"Ok, all of you just need to calm down ok? I think what is best now is for me to hand out punishments and everyone go home. George, you're suspended for two weeks, Sam, Jordan, Troy, Megan, Laila, and Kyle, you're suspended for one week, Morgan, you're not in any trouble but why don't you go ahead and take the rest of the day off. Dr. and Dr. Shepherd, can I speak with you for a moment."

Everyone walked out of the office except my parents.

"I knew it was to early to come back." I said. I started crying and Aunt Arizona wrapped me in her arms.

"I know baby, it's ok now though. You'll be ok."

My parents joined our group. "Let's go to the hospital so we can all talk more privately." Dad said I could hear disappointment, hurt, worry, and even a hint of pride in his voice.

I decided to ride with Meg and my aunts. A little trick we learned from getting in trouble, if someone's in the car with you, even if they're family, you get yelled at a lot less. I was sitting in the back of the utterly silent car with Meg. She suddenly noticed something. "Is that blood on your shirt?" I looked down at my white shirt. I guess I hadn't been careful enough.

"Yeah when I was running to the bathroom, I slipped and hit my hip on the corner of the sink." It was a relatively believable story considering it had actually happened to me.

Meg didn't look like she was buying it. "Oh, yeah those sinks, you better watch out." It was her way of saying 'I know you're lying.'

"Yeah, I guess so."

The remainder of the car ride was silent. When we got to the hospital, we followed our parents to an empty conference room. "Sit." Uncle Mark said.

I sat down between Troy and Meg. Jordan was on Troy's other side. Dad and Uncle Mark took the heads of the long table and all of our moms sat across from us. "Now, please tell us exactly what happened. We are having a hard time understanding by the principal's description of today's events." Aunt Callie said.

We told EVERYTHING that happened, including the locker incident that was not told to the principal. Troy even told the part where he told the whole WORLD I was raped. That was it for me. I was done. Done hearing about all of this, done thinking about all of this. I didn't think I just got up and threw the door to the conference room open. I barged through the hallways of the hospital earning quite a few stares from patients, nurses, and doctors. I didn't care though. I just had to get away from everyone. I went up to the surgical floor and found what I was looking for. The room with the fans. I went in and took a seat on one of the fans. I sat holding my knees to my now extremely sore chest crying.

After what seemed like hours, I got up from the ground and walked out of the room. To anyone seeing me I probably looked like something from a horror movie. Bruised face, running mascara, and red eyes. I began walking through the hallways to go back to the conference room. I bumped into someone, a rather short someone. I knew right away who it was, Miranda Bailey. "Morgan, thank GOD! Your parents have been looking everywhere for you! Are you outside your mind girl?"

"Sorry Bailey."

"You better get back in that conference room. I'm pretty sure they were about to file for a missing person."

"I'll go there right now." I said. I began walking again and finally reached my destination. I walked back in the conference room.

"Are you ok?" Troy asked interrupting dad's lecture about fighting.

Something about that question made me snap. "Am I alright? Really Troy? Of course I'm not alright! Would you be?"

"Right, sorry." He said looking remorseful about saying anything.

"What's really wrong Mo?" Meg asked.

"Oh my god Meg I have told you a million times I'm fine! I might not be ok or alright but I am FINE." I practically screamed.

"You are NOT fine Mo! We all know you're not. PLEASE just let us help you." She was pleading now.

"Help me how? Go back in time and magically make it so I didn't get raped? You can't do that so you can't help me! I CAN'T BE HELPED! NOT ANYMORE!" I screamed.

"Mo…" She said sadly.

"Don't Mo me right now. I'm NOT in the mood. Dad can you just continue whatever lecture you were giving so we can go home?" I snapped.

The adults looked beyond belief at my rudeness. "Morgan Shepherd! I understand you are upset right now and that's fine to be upset but you are being unbelievably rude." Mom said.

"I REALLY don't care anymore mom. Everything in my life is already ruined so it's not like you and dad can ruin it anymore by grounding me. Any hopes of having any friends at school are now gone. All my friends are suspended and the rest of the school thinks I'm a pregnant whore. I don't give a damn what happens anymore so you can scold all you'd like but it probably won't do a bit of good."

"Mo, I…" Mom was at loss for words. Good. It was about time the family realized I wasn't perfect anymore. That I am a dirty whore. Dad was looking at me with hurt all over his face. You could literally feel the tension and awkardness in the room.

"Troy, Morgan, why don't you two just go ahead home. We will be home after our shifts."

Troy stood up ready to get out of the room, I practically sprinted to the car. Troy drove us and we finally arrived home.

Derek P.O.V

Honestly I had no earthly idea what was going on with my daughter. She just wasn't herself. Cussing, being rude, being depressed, don't get me wrong I understand it's her way of dealing with the rape but it gets really old really fast. Meredith and I have no clue how to deal with her. You can't really punish someone for trying to cope with something like being raped, it just wouldn't be right. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed the expert advice of my sister, Kathleen. God that sounds so wrong coming out of my mouth. Calling one of my sisters for help? I learned my lesson asking for help in 5th grade asking a girl out. They made me look totally foolish. Oh well I guess you have to grow up one day or another and Kathleen had more experience with rape victims. I picked up my phone and dialed Kathleen's number.

"_Hello? Derek?" _Kathleen asked.

"_Kathy, yeah it's me." _I answered.

"_What's going on? How are the kids? Especially Morgan."_

"_Well, that's sort of why I called. Meredith and I need help. We just don't know how to help Morgan."_

"_I thought she was talking to you both."_

"_She was but she's just so disconnected now. She's so irritable and depressed and incredibly rude."_

"_Well that's sort of expected and I'm not saying she has a right to be disobedient but she has a right to be angry which could be coming off as disobedience."_

"_I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know anything. I don't even think I want to send her back to the same school after what happened today."_

"_What happened?"_

"_Someone painted the word whore on her locker and a group of kids were calling her a pregnant whore and a slut at lunch which ended in a huge brawl between Jordan, Megan, Troy, and the group of kids. She was so upset and I just don't want her to have to go and face those kids anymore."_

"_I thought Morgan was like Ms. Popular."_

"_Apparently rumors can destroy that in a heart beat."_

"_Maybe you should consider having her switch schools if she wants. Giving her a clean slate might be a good idea.""What about all her friends though?'_

"_Which ones? It sounds like most of her friends aren't really being friends right now."_

"_Well Megan for one and then we'd be moving her from her siblings and Jordan."_

"_Ask her if she wants to switch schools. Have you thought about maybe taking her to a support group."_

"_Do you really think that would help?""Sometimes it's easier to talk about things to people that have had the same thing happen to them."_

"_I guess that's true."_

"_Any news from the police about the guy?"_

"_They have a few leads but no evidence supporting enough to arrest anyone." _I sighed. I wish they would just take the monsters into custody already.

"_A few leads are better than no leads."_

"_I know I just wish they could catch him already."_

"_I know you do. Everyone does."_

"_What's it like in New York. How are the kids?"_

"_Well Lindsey is still loving Yale and has started out the year great. She's already studying for her MCAP which I guess is a good idea since she's a senior, Maggie and Katie are having a blast at Dartmouth and said they love not being freshman because sophomores are treated better, Christopher has a bad case of 'senioritis' which Michael and I are working on getting under control but it's not really working, he's doing great in football though and their high school team is expected to win state, and Justin, well he's regretting taking AP classes as a sophomore that's for sure. AP Biology, AP History, and AP Spanish is a lot of work. What about the other kids. How are they handling everything?"_

"_Troy blames himself and as for Ryan and Taylor, they're sort of in the dark. They know she was beaten up but they don't know about the rape."_

"_They will find out eventually you know that right."_

"_I know I just want it to be Morgan's decision when they do."_

"_I understand. Well, on a happier note, when are the kids' fall breaks?"_

"_October 11 through October 25." _A good things about the kids going to school that also is a boarding school means that they get longer breaks.

"_Christopher and Justin have the same one this year. We should go up to our house in Colorado and go skiing."_

"_That'd be fun. Do you think you and Michael could get off?"_

"_I can take off whenever you know that. Working with your sister and brothers-in-law has it's advantages. Michael is head of ortho so I'm sure he could take off."_

"_It'd be good for the kids to, all of them but especially Morgan. To get away from Seattle even if it's just for two weeks."_

"_That's true, Derek she will get better as time passes."_

"_I know it just doesn't seem like it. She's not my little girl anymore Kathy. She's just so…"_

"_Broken? Hurt?"_

"_Yeah pretty much."_

"_Maybe that's part of her problem. You guys treating her like she's broken. She probably just wants to be treated normal again."_

"_I guess so it's just hard to. I feel like anything I say will make her burst into tears.""What about anything else. Has she been having nightmares?"_

"_I'm not really sure. She was screaming at night that stopped but it doesn't necessarily mean the nightmares have."_

"_Do you want me to try and talk to her?"_

"_I don't know. I don't know if she would be upset with me for talking to you. I just don't want to make things worse."_

"_Treat her like your kid not one of your patients."_

"_I'll try. What do you think about a support group? Do you think that could help?"_

"_It probably wouldn't hurt. If she lets it help it will but if she bottles up her emotions and won't share with them then I don't know if it would."_

"_What about a counselor?"_

"_That might be a good idea but she should want to go see one not just you and Meredith wanting her to. She should want to get better not just you two. I can give you some names of some good ones in the area I know.""That sounds great."_

"_I'll send you an e-mail.""Thanks for this Kathy."_

"_It's no trouble, text me about the possible ski trip."_

"_I will. I love you Kathy."_

"_Well I love you too Derek."_

"_Bye."_

"_Bye."_

Jus talking to someone about everything made things better. Kathleen always knew what to say. I smiled, something I hadn't been doing much of lately. Meredith came in the room. "What did Kathleen say?"

"She thinks a support group might help but only if Morgan lets it. She wasn't to sure about a counselor not unless Morgan wants to go and get help."

"What about how to handle her?"

"She said that there is a fine line between being angry and being disobedient and disrespectful. She also said we should treat her the same as always so I guess that goes for discipline too."

"That's a good idea."

"She also wanted to know if for fall break we wanted to go up to their house in Colorado with them."

"It would be good for all of us to get out of here for awhile."

"That's what I was thinking."

"Morgan and Troy are in their rooms. I'm going to go pick up Ryan and Taylor."

"I'll see you later."

"Bye." She kissed me and headed out of our room again. I laid down on our bed thinking about everything. I finally dozed off to sleep.

**Sooooo sorry for the really suckish ending but I needed a new chapter to get where I want to take this so don't be mad. The next chapter will be up literally right after this, a day tops. I'm not going to be one of those demanding authors that says review or no chapter but I really would appreciate your feedback. Negative or positive simply because it helps me become a better author. Well anyway I'm rambling, like always. So anyway review. Do y'all like lots of short chapters or a few less long chapters? PM me with any questions or ideas I usually respond to those. **

**-M**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, it's me but you knew that of course. So first off I'm so sorry about taking forever to update a chapter. I've been busy with soccer and volunteering at the hospital. I have some somewhat bad news. Don't freak out I'm not canceling any fics but school starts literally August 9****th****, so this Thursday. That being said I'm going to have A LOT on my plate. I will be going to physical therapy for my knee before school and on game days after, then I have practice after school from 3:30-7:30. I am taking difficult classes too and will having to be studying my butt off just to pass and I go to a difficult private school so homework usually takes about 4 hours at the minimum. If you add all that in I will be busy everyday from like 5:00 AM until 11:30 PM with a butt load of stuff to do. I really won't have time to write during the week unless by some miracle we have a day off of practice and I would usually get up to write before school but I have physical therapy. Anyway this basically means that I will only be able to write on the weekends and that's if I'm lucky. I'll be studying a lot on weekends even if I miraculously don't have weekend homework. I promise you I will continue writing but updates might take a while. I'm sort of in WAY over my head right now. Last night of summer is tonight and I'm spending it writing for you, you should feel special ****J**** Anyway, I've got to get back to actually writing. I LOVE reviews, just a hint on quicker updates, and also it helps to know what people like and don't like about it. SO PLEASE enjoys ****J**

_**Sometime later, it's November 1**__**st**__**.**_

Morgan P.O.V

It's been about two months and I thought by now I would feel different. Less broken or even maybe have forgotten some about how fucked up my life has become. I was wrong. If anything things are worse. I'm still a whore, I still hate everything, I'm still depressed, I'm still cutting, and I've been getting into drinking more and more. It started with a sip to take the edge off but now anytime I'm home without the parentals I sneak a bottle of tequila to my room. Cutting though is still my favorite thing. It's even easier to get away with now, now that's it's cold enough to wear long sleeves and pants all the time. I learned the reason people cut on their wrists, it's because it hurts worse. It makes the pain of everything else go away, more so than on my hips. Thighs are good to for moments when you are in a hurry and can't risk getting blood anywhere. People at school still look at me different since they found out I was raped. They don't even talk to me, like saying hi is going to make me burst into tears. I guess not talking is better than calling me a pregnant whore but it still sucks. I'd rather be dead then have to face people now, rather be dead then see the look in people's eyes when they find out. It's like it pains them to look at me. I've thought about it, thought about dying. How simple it would be to just kill myself. It'd be almost to easy. Hanging would be difficult but I could manage, dad has guns, they might be a bit loud but they're quick, pills though. That's probably the easiest way. Countless times I've held a bottle in my hand thinking about taking them and never waking up again. Some how though, I can't bring myself to do it. Maybe it's because I feel like I deserve the pain I receive from the world, maybe it's because it would be to selfish to put my family and friends in pain because I couldn't man up and deal with mine. Whatever it was, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe that's a good thing but it doesn't feel like it.

I think part of the reason I'm so upset, so angry, is because I'm scared. That man is still out there, somewhere. I'm pretty sure he would be pretty mad that I got away. I know he planned to kill me once he was done with me. Maybe that's what gave me the courage to fight back, to run. I had nothing to lose. Things could have been and should have been so different. The whole thing could have been avoided if I had gone to the bleachers to watch Troy's practice or stayed with someone but it's to late now. I hated life itself now. Any life where people thought it was ok to steal another person's innocence is so messed up I don't want to be a part of it. Cutting helps though, if only for a moment it helps. That's the position I was in now. Sitting on my bathroom floor, razor blade pushed against my wrist, hard. I watched the blood trickle down my wrist and drip on the towel on the floor. I sliced a few more deep cuts just until I felt better. I sat for a minute before disinfecting my wounds. I didn't need an infection, that would mean people would find out. I put a large band-aid on and rolled my sleeve back down. "Morgan!" I heard my dad call up the stairs. I quickly hid all the evidence of the little cutting scene from earlier and went downstairs.

"What?" I asked not really meaning to sound rude but I did.

Mom and dad brushed it off. Mom cautiously began talking. "That was a police officer working your case. They think they might have caught the man. They want to know if you can come down and see a line up."

I didn't know what I was feeling right now. I should feel happy or relieved but I don't. I feel scared, having to face the man that ruined me. I didn't know what to feel or say. "Ok." Is about all I could mumble out.

"You'll be ok. We'll be with you the whole time and he won't be able to see you." Dad said I guess trying to reassure me. I wasn't assured.

"Let's just go." I honestly just wanted to get it over with.

"Ok." Mom said. She and dad looked at each other, both seeming worried. I quickly slipped on my favorite UGGs and walked outside into the cool Seattle weather. Once November hit it was pretty cold. The first snow usually fell around now and usually I would be excited about that but not anymore. I wasn't really excited about anything anymore now. The car ride was silent for the most part. Mom and dad talked a little but I tuned them out with my iPod.

Once we pulled into the parking lot of the station, I turned off my iPod and got out of the car. I walked inside with my parents and saw lots of different things. I saw police officers laughing and talking, I saw some people sitting around all with different expressions anywhere from amused to angered, I saw a very typical thing, an officer actually eating a doughnut which I had to take a minute to laugh about, and I saw an officer that looked like she was waiting for us. As if on cue she came over to where we were standing.

"Hello, you all must be the Shepherds. Would you mind following me?" We followed the officer into a room with a rather large window. "Now Morgan, they can not see you but you can see them. They can't hear you unless I hit that button. I have given them a few lines to read so you can hear their voices." I nodded.

Moments later a group of men lined up in front of the window. They were all tall and looked rather scary. The first one read the line and I could tell it was not my monster. The next one, a tall muscular man read the line. I immediately could tell it was him. I felt tears rolling down my face. "That's him. It has to be." I said.

"Are you sure?" The officer asked me.

"I'm positive." I said.

The officer began talking about trials and everything that had to do with getting the guy in jail. I caught something about a trial and a lawyer but for the most part I was focused on the man. He brought back painful memories. He looked so mean. I finally tore my eyes away from him and settled on looking at the very interesting looking white wall. After what seemed like an eternity, mom, dad, and I got in the car.

I knew I wouldn't get off with having another silent car ride. "You understand what the officer said right?" Dad asked.

"Honestly I wasn't listening." I said.

"We need to get you a lawyer because in three weeks, a few days before Thanksgiving, your trial will take place." Mom said.

"Ok." I simply said just wanting to have another silent car ride.

"So you are going to have to tell more people exactly what happened." Dad said.

"I'm not 5 dad, I know how these things work."

"Morgan, there's no need to be rude." Mom scolded.

"I'm sorry I just want to go home." I said now getting irritated.

The remainder of the ride was spent in silence. Once I got home I went up to my room and grabbed a blade. I reopened one of the wounds, I had learned cutting on top of a cut was one of the more painful options. I cut deeper into the wound, causing more pain. I stopped right where I knew it would be deep enough but not to deep to make me have to get stitches. I sat on my floor for a while before cleaning everything up and sitting on my bed. I picked up my phone which I finally got. Instead of getting the same iPhone right away I had waited until the new one had come out. Three missed calls, about a hundred unread messages. Well maybe not a hundred but there were a lot. Mostly from Meg, some from some of my other friends. Things had gotten some better at school. There was still a group of people that liked to make my life hell on earth but for the most part things were almost back to normal. I stayed up in my room texting until mom called that it was time for dinner.

I opened my door and ran into Troy. I stumbled backwards and he grabbed my wrist to help me. I regretted not bandaging more carefully because I saw the blood against my sleeve. "Oh you're bleeding Mo."

"It's nothing, I slipped and fell."

"Here let me look." He tried to push my sleeve up.

"No it's ok, it's not a big deal." He gave me a suspicious look and continued to roll my sleeve up.

"Mo, what the hell?"

"Please don't tell ok? I'll stop as soon as the trial is over. Please don't say anything."

"Mo, this is serious. You could really hurt yourself."

"I'm always careful." I tried to assure him.

"Careful." He laughed. "Mo, nothing about this is careful."

"Please just don't tell mom and dad. Just give me some time please. I will tell them eventually but not yet."

"Fine, you have until Christmas but that's it."

"Thanks you're the best brother in the world." I said giving him a hug. Once I had my sleeve down we went to eat dinner. The dinner topic was school. How our classes and friends were. I got done early so I quickly put my plate in the dishwasher and went back up to my room. I texted some people for a while before settling on going to sleep early at 9:45.

_The Friday before Thanksgiving._

Weeks had passed since my little encounter with Troy and as he promised, he has kept the secret. Meg knows now. She saw when I was at her house changing. After a ton of convincing she has kept my secret too. A lot has changed since a few weeks ago. My cutting has gotten deeper and I have become thinner. I don't like eating, not really, not anymore. I want to change my body because people at school have been calling me fat. In all honesty, I had gained weight but not a lot. I was at a size 3 now and I guess that was fat compared to the girls at school. As soon as I get back down to a double zero I'll start eating again but for now, I'm sticking to protein shakes and running my butt of on the treadmill.

My emotions are all over the place right now. The reasoning behind that is because dad's family is coming here for Thanksgiving today. All my aunts, all my uncles, all my cousins, and my nana staying in our house as well as all the people Aunt Amy is bringing from L.A. Dad's ex-wife Addison, her husband and teenage son, Aunt Amy's boyfriend, his ex-wife with her husband and 3 kids, and his son, Aunt Amy's best friend, her husband, there grown son and there 3 other kids, and two of her coworkers, for more than a week. 9 days to be exact. 36 people in one house for that long would be pretty chaotic. I mean we do have our guest house which will hold about 20 people but I would more than likely be sharing my room with at least one of my cousins which meant cutting would be harder to hide. Not eating would be too. We always have TONS of food for Thanksgiving and it would be hard to hide not eating any of it. It would also be a lot harder to hide both cutting and not eating with 3 shrinks in the house. I was going to have to "lay low" while they were here. There was also the trial. It seemed so far away every time I met with my lawyer but now it's just around the corner, in 4 days. All of this had forced me to slice my arms, hips, and thighs. I was going to want to cut more than ever but I wouldn't be able to with everyone here.

Right now I was home with Taylor and Ryan. Mom, dad, and Troy all took their cars to pick up people at the airport although it will take more than one trip to get 36 people and all their luggage to our house. I knew very well that the first group of relatives or friends would be here any minute so I knew better than to cut. I made my way to the living room where Taylor and Ryan were excitedly waiting. As soon as I sat down the door opened with the first sea of people. It was Aunt Amy and her friends. Taylor and Ryan sprinted over to her before I could even get up. I made my way to her and she grabbed me wrapping her arms as tight as possible around me.

I knew she was probably debating a million things she could say to me right now but she didn't say a word. I was wondering if her colleagues knew. I knew that more than likely Addison did, probably her best friend Charlotte too. If they knew then so did there husbands Carlos and Cooper. Aunt Amy probably told her boyfriend too so that meant Pete which meant probably his ex wife Violet and her husband Gregg. Knowing that basically meant they all knew. I looked behind us at the other 17 people all with luggage. Ryan was talking to Henry, Addison's son and Taylor was laughing with Jack and Timothy. They were all around the same age so on the rare occasion we saw them they all had a good time together. As for me and the LA kids, Paisley, one of Charlotte's kids who was a year younger than me, and Lucas, Pete and Violet's kid who was a year older than me, and I got along well, usually at least.

Once Aunt Amy let me go I noticed Troy was still here. Troy looked at me. "They've got the guest house. You know where the keys are right?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, I've got to go help transport more people."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Once he left Aunt Amy looked at me curiously. "What was that all about?"

"What do you mean?"

"The tension between you two."

"Oh, it's nothing, we just sort of got into an argument the other day." In reality, things had been extremely awkward between us since he found out. It was like he really didn't want to keep his promise about not telling but was torn about what to do. "Anyway, let's get you guys settled."

She agreed. We made our way to the guest house which was more like the size of an average house. It had two floor and 6 bedrooms. 4 of the rooms were made for couples, 2 containing a crib, and the last 2 each had 4 bunk beds, one room for girls, one room for boys. I was curious as to which other family would be sharing the house with them. Probably Aunt Danielle's since she had one less kid than the rest of the families. Everyone claimed rooms leaving one couples room open and a few bunks in the kids' rooms. Once everyone was settled I greeted the rest of the LA bunch.

Aunt Amy pulled me aside. I knew it was to good to be true, not having to talk about things with family members. "You want to go for a walk?" Aunt Amy asked me.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Hey now, you love me."

"I know I'm just messing with you."

We began walking around our property, sitting on the cliff a ways back from the house. "How are you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean after all that's happened to you. How are you doing?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know how people usually act after being attacked."

"How do you feel like your doing?"

"Ok I guess. The nightmares have gotten some better since they took him into custody."

"The trial is Tuesday isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"The whole family will be there for you."

"You all don't have to."

"We want to."

Aunt Amy always made me want to open up to her, no matter what I had told other people. "My god I'm so messed up. My life is so fucked up now. I mean school used to be wonderful, now I get called a pregnant whore or fat all the time. I don't understand. Things are better than they were at first but they all know I was raped and still call me a whore. It's not like I wanted to be raped."

"People can be stupid. Some people can be REALLY stupid especially teens. It's just them wanting to feel better about themselves."

"Yeah well it sucks."

"I know it does. It'll get better as time goes by. You said so yourself it's some better."

"So are all my aunts planning on talking about this to me?"

"Yeah pretty much."

"Well we should get back inside I'm supposed to be greeting people or whatever."

She laughed. "Even if you look like a clone of your father you remind me so much of your mother."

"I hope that's a compliment."

"It is, now let's get inside."

Eventually the rest of my family showed up. Once all the greetings got out of the way, rooming arrangements were handed out. I was sharing a room with Kelsey, my Aunt Danielle and Uncle Grey's daughter. She is two years older than me being a senior in high school but also one of my best friends. I knew if worst came to worst she would cover for me if she did see the cuts. It was good the possible complications of everything were disappearing. I honestly don't think I could handle my parents finding out yet, that would probably push me right over the edge.

When I finally collected myself enough to actually be somewhat joyful I left my room which now had Kelsey's zebra print suitcases. 5 of them to be exact. Kelsey loves packing, she has a system. One suitcase for casual clothes, one for nice clothes, one for shoes, one for make up, hair stuff, and toiletries, and the last had her laptop, iPad, basically all her entertainment. For the first time in a long time I felt a since of warmth, of comfort. Just having my family here was doing this to me too and luckily only Aunt Amy had tried talking to me. I knew I wasn't going to get off that easy though. I had already mentally prepared myself for the rest of my aunts and quite possibly my nana. Luckily though, Nana usually didn't really press sensitive topics with me. She knew that I didn't want to talk about it. Aunt Danielle usually just held me when I was upset. I was concerned about Aunt Kathleen and Aunt Nancy though, being an OBGYN and a shrink they dealt with rape victims all the time and knew just what buttons were ok to push and which ones were no-gos. I took a deep breath and walked down the stairs, still slightly preparing myself mentally for my aunts.

I finally reached the bottom step and saw my active family busily doing things that I guess other families do. For some reason, it seemed like all my cousins in college were playing hide and seek. The older kids were laughing and sitting in a circle on the floor while the little kids were absorbed in an episode of sponge bob. The men weren't in site. They had probably made their way to either the grill outside or the "man cave". All the women were laughing in the kitchen. I decided the older kids were my best bet. I walked over to the circle and plopped down between Lucas and Paisley. "What are we doing?"

"Truth or dare." Paisley stated. No matter how old we got we still loved playing truth or dare however truth or dare in Shepherd style was a bit different. The truths are EXTREMLY personal and the dares are EXTREME. There was also a rule if you didn't do your truth or your dare and the person that asked you did then you had to do something bad at dinner in front of the adults that was sure to get you grounded. "You want to play?" Paisley asked me.

"Yeah, who is up?"

"It's my turn to ask someone." Maggie said. She turned to Henry and grinned. "Henry, truth or dare?" She asked. There must have been something that he didn't want people to know about that somehow she had figured out.

"Good lord, I guess dare." He said.

She had a bit of disappointment on her face. "Fine, I dare you to jump from the railing on the second floor of the guest house onto the couch."

"Wait, what if I miss."

"Then you're screwed."

"Fine." We all walked to the guest house praying that none of the adults were in it. As we approached, we were lucky to learn that the prayers had been answered. Thinking this through, it would be awesome of he could do it but if he missed he would probably break something and if he made it he could very well break our couch. He looked up at the railing. "Are you sure this is the dare? I don't want to break my body or any part of the house."

"Yup. Now go ahead." She said. I pulled out my phone to video the whole thing starting with him walking up the stairs. He climbed over the railing and held on so he wouldn't fall until he jumped. He took one last look at where the couch was and leaped. I watched as he landed right on the couch in a sitting position. I had to admit I was impressed. We decided to just stay in here for the next person to ask.

Henry looked around at us. "Well I guess I'll go with Christopher." He said looking at my older cousin, also one of Troy's best friends. He was a senior like Troy and was my Aunt Kathleen's son. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." He said never giving up an opportunity to show off.

"I dare you to go into the abandoned house in the woods we found last time we were here." The abandoned house was probably the scariest and sketchiest thing in the world. Two years ago we went exploring and stumbled upon it. It looked like something from a horror movie with the windows busted and graffiti covering what we could see of the inside from the windows. None of us had actually ever bucked up the courage to go in it yet.

"Fine." Christopher said suddenly looking rather nervous. We all made our way through the woods and to the house. "Ok, if someone's in there I need to have a code word to yell so you know to get help."

"Why don't you just scream help?" Kelsey asked while rolling her eyes.

"Fine, if I yell help seriously, go get help." He said.

"We will." I promised.

He took a deep breath and walked up the few steps to the porch. "How long do I have to stay in?" He asked Henry.

"I'd say at least 3 or 4 minutes." Henry said.

"Ok, well here goes nothing." Christopher sighed and pulled the door open. He scanned the room before going in, leaving the door open. We watched as he walked further into the creepy house. Troy saw the opportunity to get a good laugh in and slammed the door shut and leaned against it. We heard Christopher scream and then yell "Help! Help! Let me out! Help!" We all started laughing. "PLEASE! THERE'S A CREEPY PERSON IN HERE! HELP!" Troy, realizing that the situation was now serious opened the door. Christopher jumped down all five stairs and began sprinting back towards our hose. I didn't know about anyone else but I sure as heck didn't want to be around when said creepy person decided to come check us out. I took off as fast as I could after Christopher. I could see him a few feet ahead of me and as tired as I got I sure as heck wasn't going to slow down. I could here people running behind me so I guess in a fight or flight situation all of my family chose flight.

I saw Christopher throw the back door to our house that lead to the kitchen open and I was quick to run in to. All the women were staring at us and out the window at the rest of the group. "Why on earth all you all running?" My mom asked. We were both panting to hard to answer. I heard my cousins, siblings, and friends bolt into the kitchen as well and I guess whoever was last slammed the door.

"No reason." Mom and dad had banned us from that house because of the sketchy circumstances. "Just a game we were playing." Troy said.

"Ok, well all of you get washed up for dinner." Mom said still with a hint of suspicion to her voice.

The rest of the day went by quickly. We ate dinner, watched some TV, talked, and then we were all sent to bed. I was lying awake in my bed beside Kelsey trying to fall asleep. Her even breathing was actually very relaxing. I closed my eyes and drifted into a deep slumber.

Days went by and it was Tuesday, trial day. I was extremely nervous about all this. Having to tell my whole family what happened to me. I was also dreading seeing my monster. I had been lucky that Kelsey likes to go to sleep early leaving me time to deal with everything in my own way. The cuts were getting deeper and more persistent. They were starting to hurt less so I was having to find ways to make them hurt by going back into cuts. I stared out my window at the raindrops. It was like the earth was crying with me or for me I guess is more like it. I listened to my cousins quiet snores, I had to get up early to look presentable for court. I went in my closet and began searching for an outfit. I settled on a blue long sleeve dress and some blue heels. I took my clothes to the bathroom and started the long process to look good. I showered and wrapped up in a towel. After fixing my hair I put my dress on and did my makeup. I finished by lightly covering any scars that could possibly become visible. I didn't want to take any chances. I was finally finished getting ready and got to go downstairs to the kitchen where my mom and Aunt Kathleen were sitting at the table talking. "Good morning Mo." Aunt Kathleen said.

"Morning Aunt Kathy."

"You look very pretty sweetie." Mom said.

"Thanks." I said slightly rude simply because I just wanted to get the day over with. Mom blew it off and I took the seat beside Aunt Kathy.

"What would you like to eat?" Mom asked.

"Not hungry." I said.

"You need to eat something sweetie. You've barley had anything these past few days." Mom said.

"I'm fine. I'm really not hungry."

"Please eat something." Mom tried again.

"No, not right now. I'm really not hungry." We looked at each other for a minute before she finally stopped pushing me on it. "I'm just going to go and watch some TV or something." I said.

"Ok, we need to leave in about 15 minutes or so."

"I'll be ready." I said and walked out of the room. The 15 minutes passed so quickly it felt more like 15 seconds. I got in the car with my parents and we headed to the court house. I had to be there early to talk to my lawyer one last time before being put on the witness stand.

The car ride to the courthouse was spent in silence. My parents didn't even try to talk to me about anything. Once the ride was over, I quickly got out of the car and walked up the stairs to the courthouse. I stopped at the door because I couldn't quite bring myself to walk in. I felt mom take my hand, I had no choice. I had to do this, it wasn't something in the future anymore, it was today, right now. With my hand still in my mom's, I walked into the courthouse. To say it was shocking would be an understatement. There were lots of people photographing me and asking me questions. Mom and dad dragged me past the flashing cameras and into a small room where I saw my lawyer, Mr. Crowe, sitting at an oak table. Mom, dad, and I took seats across from him.

"Good morning Shepherd family." He greeted us ever so happily like he always was.

"Good morning Mr. Crowe." Dad said.

"I've told you all that you can call me Henry, Mr. Crowe was my father."

"Good morning Henry." Dad corrected himself.

"Well I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?" Mr. Crowe directed his question towards me.

"The good please." I said terrified of what the bad news could be.

"Well the good news is we have a great judge that is almost indefinitely already on your side. He hates men who do what that man did to you and will want to see the man behind bars."

"What's the bad news?" I asked.

He sighed. "The bad news is the defense attorney is Todd Cooper. He is known for tearing witnesses apart. Look Morgan, he will try and trick you into saying things that are not true at all and will be harsh when he asks his questions. Don't fall for his manipulation. I will object to everything that I think could get you in trouble but the court can always over rule my objections."

I frowned. Nothing about today was going to be easy in the first place but now, it was certainly going to be more difficult. I decided when in doubt I should keep my mouth shut.

Mr. Crowe went through loads of information he had already gone over with me previously. At precisely 11 AM, I followed Mr. Crowe into a courtroom where I had to say goodbye to my parents. They both gave me hugs and took seats by the rest of my family, and when I say the rest of my family I mean EVERYONE. All the people from L.A., New York, Seattle, some of mom and dad's coworkers, the only people absent were the younger kids and Mason who I guess was placed on kid duty. I took my seat at the front of the courtroom next to Mr. Crowe and braced myself for what I could already tell was about to be the longest 4 hours of my life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello my dedicated little readers ****. Well I know that I'm not updating very frequently but you wouldn't either if you had what was going on with me going on with you. First: Sophomore year is kicking my butt ****. I mean I took difficult classes so I guess it's my fault but still…. Second: Soccer takes up my life. Third: I'm not even allowed to play soccer right now because of my knee which is going to need surgery. Fourth: I have physical therapy any day I'm not at practice. Fifth: Writer's block. Sixth: PHYSICS IS HARD! Hence fourth I'm starting a new policy. Updates will come every 3-4 weeks UNLESS I get a new follow, favorite, or review then I will write a chapter and update as soon as it's completed. I never wanted to be THAT author but yes it's come to that. I love y'all anyway though. PLEASE REVIEW!  
-M-**

_I took my seat at the front of the courtroom next to Mr. Crowe and braced myself for what I could already tell was about to be the longest 4 hours of my life._

Morgan P.O.V

After the boring necessities of court were out of the way, I, the only witness, was called to the stand. This was the first time I looked into my monster's eyes. It wasn't intentional at all, I was trying desperately to find my mother's eyes in the crowded court room and my eyes landed on him instead. For some reason, as scared as he made me, I couldn't look away. The bible was placed before me which I knowingly put my hand on and raised the other. I swore to tell the truth and Mr. Crowe walked in front of me. "Morgan, can you tell the jury what happened on the night of the attack?" He asked me.

I inhaled and braced myself. "It was the first day of school and things were going perfectly normal. After I finished cheer practice, I sat under the oak tree on our campus doing homework, like I always do, waiting on my brother to finish football practice. Things seemed normal but then I felt someone grab me. He placed his hand on my mouth so I couldn't scream and blindfolded me so I couldn't see and then threw me in the back of his car. We were in the car for a little while before he stopped somewhere. He took me out of the car and threw me to the ground. He told me to stay quiet or he would kill me." I could feel my emotions now and it took all my strength not to burst into tears. "I begged him not to hurt me I even told him if he let me go I wouldn't tell anyone about this. He threatened me again and said if I said one more word that he would kill me. He hit me but I stayed quiet. He ripped my clothes off and then he…" I didn't really have to say what he did to me, not in front of the whole court room. My parents didn't even know EVERYTHING that happened let alone the rest of my family. I felt the tears I had tried so desperately to hold in roll down my cheeks.

"What happened next?" Mr. Crowe asked me.

"He licked me for a while and then asked me if I was a virgin. I told him I was but that didn't seem to matter to him. He kissed me which is when I noticed he had been drinking." I had more tears forming in my eyes. I couldn't say what he did next but I had no choice. "He made me have sex with him." I whispered now crying completely. "There was a second where he didn't do anything so I got up and ran. I don't remember anything past knocking on a random person's door."

"No further questions your honor." Mr. Crowe said as he made his way back to his seat. The hard part wasn't even over yet. Mr. Crowe had warned me about my monster's attorney. I had already braced myself for what was going to happen. I wiped away my tears and waited to be torn apart.

The other lawyer made his way over to me. "Morgan, you say that you were sitting all alone, after school hours. Wasn't that a little irresponsible on your part?"

I was becoming angry. He was saying this was my fault? "Yes, I was sitting all alone on my school grounds which are private property unless you attend school there or are picking up a student or have paid to go to a sporting event. Irresponsible? Maybe, but you know on an everyday afternoon grown men don't go around looking for people to attack." I smirked. I'm pretty sure I saw Mr. Crowe smile at that.

"You were blindfolded during the attack right? How do you know that my client was really your attacker?"

"If you had been listening to a word I said, you would know that he spoke to me multiple times so I picked up on his voice."

"You also say he forced you to have sex with him. You are a teenager with outrageous hormones are you sure that you didn't want that?"

If I was mad before, I was blazing mad now. Did he actually just tell me I wanted to be raped? "You're saying I wanted that? I wanted to give up my virginity to some sick perverted man that just happened to see me? I wanted to give up my innocence to that bastard?" I didn't even care what Mr. Crowe said about cussing in court at this point. "No one WANTS to be raped and you are out of your mind if you think I WANTED that."

"I think you're lying." He said to me.

"I think you're a…" I started to say.

"OBJECTION YOUR HONOR!" Mr. Crowe yelled to save me from being charged with contempt of court. "Can we take a quick recess and let both my client and the defendant's attorney calm down a bit?"

"30 minute recess." The judge said.

I followed Mr. Crowe out of the court room and into an office. "What did I say about cussing in court?" He asked me in a scolding yet humorous way.

"Not to do it because I can get charged with contempt of court. I get it. I'm sorry I was just so mad. He ACTUALLY said I WANTED that?" I felt the tears begin rolling down my cheeks again. Pretty soon I was sobbing on the couch in this office. I heard footsteps coming in the office and looked up teary eyed to see my family.

"Oh, Morgan." My mom said quickly taking me into her arms.

"I don't want to do this! Please mom I can't go back in there!" I got out between sobs.

"I know baby, shh its ok. I know it's hard but you have to do this."

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

I shook my head and pulled out of her arms and took my knees in my arms. No one quite knew what to say to me and kept looking at my Aunt Kathleen. She was close to tears now, not knowing until I said in court just what had happened to me. Mr. Crowe entered the room again and looked at me with sympathetic eyes. "Morgan, it's time to go back in now."

I don't know what gave me the strength to get off that couch and follow him back up to the witness stand but I did. The evil defense attorney, I now knew as Mr. Strickland, came back up to me. "I have one more question for you Morgan. Why did you tell police officers you weren't raped at the hospital? What made you change your mind to tell your mom once you were home?"

"I believe I was sort of in denial that I had been raped. I didn't want to face the consequences just yet but that denial was short lived once I got home and tried to literally scrub him off of my skin. I didn't have to tell my mom what happened. She figured it out."

"No further questions your honor."

I took my seat by Mr. Crowe. "Good job Morgan, that answer was exactly the right one." I nodded and waited to hear the bull shit my monster had come up with. He took the stand and swore in. I knew that his swear in was nothing. He was going to lie thru his teeth to get out of this.

His attorney asked him "What exactly happened on that night?"

"Well Ms. Shepherd was alone at school and I approached her to see if she needed anything and she said she needed me. I was just accommodating her needs."

The nerve of that man, I needed him? Like hell I did. I felt tears roll down my cheeks.

"So Morgan never insinuated she didn't want to have sex with you?"

"Not even once."

I couldn't take it anymore. "THAT'S A LIE AND HE KNOWS IT!" I yelled standing up and pointing at him.

"Your honor, obviously this girl is willing to go along with anything to get this man in trouble."

"OH BECAUSE OBVIOSLY I WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM! THAT'S WHAT HE'S SAYING! YOU KNOW MOST GIRLS LOSE THEIR VIRGINITY TO SOME GROSS BAND GEEK ON PROM NIGHT! I HAD TO LOSE MINE TO SOME PERVERTED OLD MAN!"

"LISTEN YOU BITCH YOU DESERVED IT!" my monster yelled at me.

"Your honor obviously this girl needs to be charged with contempt of court. She might need a mental evaluation as well!"

"LIKE HELL I DO! IF ANYONE DOES IT'S THAT MONSTER YOU CALL A MAN! WHO GOES AROUND RAPING PEOPLE? WHO DOES THAT?"

"Morgan, sit down." Mr. Crowe pleaded with me.

I took my seat crying as I did. The judge cleared his throat. "There is to be no more disruptions in this court room today. From any of you."

"My apologies your honor. No further questions. I think the court can see what a lying teenage girl Ms. Shepherd really is."

I couldn't take the insults anymore. I didn't care about contempt of court or whatever I just got up and ran out of that place as fast as possible. I ran out of the courthouse and collapsed at the bottom of the stairs but quickly kept running when the flashes of cameras appeared. I made it to my parent's car and prayed it was unlocked. It was so I climbed in and began sobbing. I couldn't believe what I just heard. Moments passed and I heard a knock on the car. I looked out the window and saw my Aunt Nancy. I opened the door and scooted over so she could get in. I was still sobbing as she took me into her arms. "Aunt Nancy, I can't go back in there."

"I know sweetie, its ok. You're ok."

"I can't believe he said that. It's not true. I didn't want it I swear."

"I know that sweetie; everyone in that court room knows that. I know it feels impossible but you have to be in there for the verdict."

I cried more. "I can't."

"Yes you can sweetie. You have tons of people in that room that care about you, heck I think our family takes up at least half of the seats. Come on, let's go."

"Ok." I said and got out of the car. I followed Aunt Nancy back into the court room where my parents looked at me with concerned eyes. I took my seat by Mr. Crowe and waited to hear the verdict.

The judge said something and a member of the jury stood up and walked to the front of the court room. "The jury finds the defendant, Mr. George S. Lewis, guilty of statutory rape and of child abuse of the minor Ms. Morgan Shepherd."

I sighed in relief and I'm pretty sure I heard a few sighs from the people behind me. The judge said "7 years in jail, no probation no bale. Court dismissed." And then he hit the little hammer thing and police officers took away my monster, George, away. I stood up and turned around before being grabbed by every member of my family and being squeezed to death. I could finally go home.

Days had passed and it was Monday. My family was still here and I liked it that way. I thought my cutting would have gotten better since the trial was over but if anything it had gotten worse. So had the not eating. I only ate when someone made me and then I would throw it up when no one was looking. I'm finally down to 70 pounds but I won't eat until I'm at 60 pounds, my target weight. I make sure I wear clothes that are baggy so my parents won't notice. Hoodies, sweats, anything that makes me look fat. By some miracle Kelsey still hadn't noticed. I guess I was getting better at hiding it. I heard a knock on my door and I quickly pulled on a hoodie to cover my bloody arms. "Come in." I called.

Troy walked in and without warning walked over to me and grabbed my wrist. I hissed at the pain and tried to pull away but he was stronger and he pulled my sleeve up. "Morgan! You promised you'd stop."

"I am stopping."

"Really? Because this doesn't look like stopping to me!"

"Why do you care anyway!? It's my life I can do what I want!"

"I care because I don't want you to die!" He yelled.

"Shut up or someone will hear you."

"Start eating and stop cutting and then I'll shut up!"

"I just need to lose 10 more pounds and then…"

"Morgan you are TINY you don't need to lose ANY more weight!"

"You don't get to decide that!"

"YOU'RE GOING TO DIE! I MEAN FUCK MORGAN HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH! 60 pounds?"

"I wish! Try 70."

"What the HELL Morgan! You know what I'm done trying to help you! I'm telling mom and dad!"

He stormed out of my room and I ran after him begging him not to. I was still pleading when we made it to the living room where I saw dad, mom, Aunt Kathleen, Uncle Mike, Aunt Nancy, Uncle Tom, Jake, and Addison watching the news. "PLEASE I'LL STOP!"

"NO! MORGAN I'M DONE LETTING YOU DO THIS!"

"TROY!"

"Mom, dad, Morgan…"

"SHUT THE HELL UP TROY! YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE THIS!"

"I'M NOT GOING TO SIT AROUND AND WATCH YOU DIE!"

"I'M FINE! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!"

"YOU ARE NOT FINE!"

"Kids, let's just take it down a notch. What's going on?" Dad asked eyeing us both.

"Morgan has been…"

"YOU SWORE! YOU SWORE YOU WOULD'NT SAY ANYTHING! IF YOU TELL I WON'T FORGIVE YOU! EVER!"

"AND IF YOU DIE I WON'T FORGIVE MYSELF!"

"Ok, you two both calm down. The next one to interrupt the other will be grounded. Troy go ahead." My mom said.

"Morgan hasn't eaten in weeks. When she does she throws up. She's been cutting the crap out of herself." Troy said now crying.

"Is this true?" Dad asked me. I stayed quiet. "Morgan please talk to me."

"I'm fine." I answered.

"No you're not. You weigh 70 fucking pounds Morgan. You have cuts on your arms that are so deep I couldn't believe it. You're not fine."

"Oh shut up Troy."

"Seriously dad just look at her arms. Make her stop wearing over sized clothes then you'll see."

"Morgan if you're really fine pull up your sleeves." Mom said.

"No." I answered.

"Morgan, please." Dad begged me.

"No." I repeated. Mom began walking towards me and I backed away.

"Morgan, let me see." I shook my head. "Please?" I shook my head and mom, like Troy had, grabbed my arm and rolled up my sleeve. I began crying again. I couldn't look at mom in the face. "Oh baby." I looked down at the floor.

"It's nothing."

"No baby. It's nothing. Derek!" Mom said.

Dad walked towards us and looked at my wrist and then cried as well as mom. "Oh sweetie." I looked up and noticed the majority of my family had made their way to the living room. Probably because of all the yelling.

"It's not a big deal."

"Do you really just weigh 70 pounds?" Dad whispered, his tears were evident from the sound of his voice.

I shrugged. "Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell us? We could have helped." Mom asked.

"How? Made me prettier? Gone back in time and stopped the rape? Made kids at school stop calling me a pregnant fat whore? This is how I've chosen to deal with things and you should accept it." I said.

"You can't deal with things like this Mo." Dad said.

"It's not up to you." I answered.

"Morgan, if you keep doing this, you'll die."

"Maybe I want to die." I answered.

"Mo." Troy said.

"Shut UP Troy. I hate you so much right now."

"Troy did the right thing telling us." Mom said.

"Whatever." I said rolling my eyes. "Can I just go upstairs please?"

"Why so you can cut yourself again?" Troy asked.

"Shut up Troy."

"NO! Morgan, you're going to kill yourself!"

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! YOU KNOW WHAT SCREW YOU TROY!" I tried to run upstairs but felt arms rap around my waist. I turned my head and realized it was Jordan Sloan. "Jordan! Put me down!"

"No. I'm not going to let you hurt yourself anymore."

"Why do you care?"

"Because you're my cousin and I love you."

"Please Jordan just put me down."

"Morgan, stay down here until I get back." Dad said. He, mom, Violet, and Sheldon went upstairs. I collapsed in Jordan's arms and began sobbing. Aunt Kathleen came over to us and wrapped me in her arms. I put my head on her chest.

"Oh Morgan." She said holding me tighter. I stayed like this until I was allowed back in my room. I began looking for razors. I realized why they had gone up here, to take everything sharp. I lifted my mattress praying to god they hadn't taken my emergency stash but I was out of luck. I couldn't take this anymore. I couldn't take life. I went to my bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. I emptied all the pills into my hand and decided if I took enough of them I would die. I didn't even know what all I was about to take but I didn't care. I swallowed about 30 pills and laid down waiting to die.


	7. Chapter 7

I apologize in advance for awkward formats and spelling things and such because I am typing on my phone and well autocorrect sucks so..

Megan P.O.V.

How could I have been so damn stupid? How the fuck didn't I see what my BEST friend was doing to herself? What kind of friend am I? All the signs were there? How could I have been so utterly stupid? I hate myself for not realizing what Morgan was doing to herself. I mean I could have stopped her! Troy SHOULD have stopped her! The whole family was staring in shock up the stairs Morgan had just descended to. Troy got up and threw the door open. I got up and followed him outside. I heard Jordan follow behind me and shut the door. "How long did you know!?" I practically screamed at Troy.

"It's not what you're thinking Megan it is more complicated than me not saying anything." He said back.

"Cut the shit Troy. How long did you know?"

"Why the hell do you even care Megan?"

"She's my best friend ass hole!"

"Oh yeah because best friends always abandon there best friends when they need them!"

"What the hell are you talking about Troy?"

"Ok now you cut the shit Megan! You know exactly what I'm talking about! You ditched Morgan and never took up for her at school because you were to worried about what your friends, the school bitches, the ones who made Morgan this way, would think! So cut the fucking shit Megan you know exactly what I mean. You are just as bad as those bitches anyway!"

"So now I'm a bitch?"

"Yeah pretty much."

"Dude, I know your pissed and you may be my best friend but you can't talk to my sister like that." Jordan intervened.

"Go to hell Jordan!" Troy snapped back.

"Seriously!? I get that your pissed and you have every right to be but why the hell are you pissed at me now?"

"Just leave me the fuck alone! I can't stay here!" Troy began stomping towards his car.

"Where are you going?" Jordan asked.

"I don't know. Somewhere other than here."

Troy slammed the door to his car and peeled away. I felt tears emerge in my eyes and Jordan put his arm around me. "Meg, come on you didn't know."

"Exactly but I should have. I was a bitch and now this is my payback."

"Don't beat yourself up."

"I'm surprised you aren't beating yourself up. It's just as much your fault as mine."

"Leave me alone. I'm going for a walk." Jordan said storming off.

I successfully pissed off two people in all of five minutes. Great job I know. I walked inside to the room where my family still sat all deep in discussion. Aunt Meredith looked at me. "Megan, sweetie, will you go check on Morgan please?"

"Sure." I said walking up the stairs to my best friend's room. I knocked first to be polite but she didn't answer. "Morgan come on I know you're in there. It's just meg I promise." She still didn't answer. "Come on Mo I know you're mad but open up." She still didn't say a word. "Fine I'm coming in." I called opening the door. I was shocked at what I saw. My nest friend lying on the ground like a corpse not moving and pale as a ghost.

Derek P.O.V.

My poor little girl. That's all I could think. She was just playing dress up the other day and now she's a teenager with problems. I was expecting possibly some problems raising my kids but nothing like this. My poor little girl. The adults of my family and I were all sitting in the living room too shocked to say anything when I herd a blood curdling scream. "HELP SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!" I heard Megan call. Without a second thought I ran up to Morgan's room where I saw Megan attempting CPR on Morgan.

"What happened?" I asked as I pulled Megan off Morgan and began CPR.

"I don't know I found her like this." Megan sobbed.

The rest of my family was in the room now and the transition from being family to being doctors happened in a heartbeat. "Derek, let me take over," Christina pleaded. I slowly pulled my arms away and was taken into my sobbing wife's arms. "Mark please get Meg, Derek, and Meredith out." Christina said,

Mark dragged us all against our will out of the bedroom.

"Uncle Derek I'm sorry!" Megan sobbed.

"It's not your fault meg." I answered.

"I'm so sorry." She said shaking as she sat down and began sobbing into he hands.

"Meg, sweetie, it's not your fault. We are not mad at you." Meredith said as she put her arms around Meg.

"Where is Troy?" I asked.

"I don't know he got really mad and drove off." She answered.

Troy P.O.V.

At first I didn't know where I was going. I just couldn't stay home with my family I needed to be alone. I wanted to forget what had happened. I remembered an easy way I could forget. I could go to Tyler, one of my friends, house and do drugs. I know it sounds like a bad crazy idea but I just need things to be good for a minute, not even a minute, a second. I drove the 32 miles to Tyler's house and quickly got out and went to the guest house which is what his parents let him use as his room. I knocked on the door and Tyler answered quickly.

"Troy my man! What brings you here on this fine day?" He asked.

I decided to be blunt. "I need to get high."

"Goody two shoes Shepherd wants to get high?"

"Cut the shit and give me drugs."

"Fine, fine. What do you want?"

"What do you got?"

"Heroin, cocaine, and weed."

"Which is best?"

"I like heroin."

"Ok hit me up."

"You want to smoke it or you want me to shoot you up?"

"Shoot me up. I don't want to smell like heroin when I do go home."

"Alright."

Tyler quickly gave me the shot of heroin and I felt like I was free. The feeling was indescribable. I felt this way for what seemed like days.

I finally came back to reality to hear the buzzing of my phone. I looked down and saw Megan's name and picture. I hit ignore. When I looked at my iPhone again I realized I was dead. 34 missed calls. 5 from dad, 5 from mom, 3 from Nana, 1 from Uncle Mark, 2 from Jordan, the rest from my other aunts and uncles. I sighed and dialed Jordan's number.

"Troy where the fuck are you?"

"Well hello to you to Jordan."

"Shut the hell up! You're sister is about to die I'm pretty sure! She tried to fucking kill herself! She's lying lifeless on some hospital bed while the doctors, our family, tries to save her life and you are worried about me saying hello?"

"What?" I asked as tears came out of my eyes.

"Just get to the hospital as fast as you can." He said, sadness evident in his voice.

I drove like a mad man to the hospital to be with my sister.

I parked in the first parking spot I saw. I don't care whose it was I just cared about my sister. I ran as fast as I could through the hospital and towards the ER. I was stopped in my tracks by Megan.

"Where the hell have you been?" She asked sobbing which I assumed, by the look of her, she had been doing for a long time now.

"I had to do something." I said avoiding eye contact.

"Oh my god why the hell do you look high?"

"Shit you can tell?"

"Yes and everyone else will be able to as well. God Troy you are an idiot!"

"Get over yourself Meg!"

"No! You had NO RIGHT to blame the shit Morgan did on me! You're an ASS for getting high while your damn sister is about to die! Whose the selfish one now Troy?"

"Oh go to hell Meg!"

"I guess I'll be seeing you there! If this is anyone's fault it's yours!"

"How dare you!"

"How dare I speak the truth!? You knew and you didn't stop her! If you had just fucking stopped her she wouldn't be almost dead!"

"I didn't know it was this bad!"

"YOU FUCKING SHOULD HAVE!"

"FUCK YOU MEG!"

"SERIOUSLY THOUGH TROY! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING NOT TELLIG ANYONE!"

"THAT MY SISTER WASN'T THIS DAMN STUPID! I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS GOING TO KILL HERSELF LIKE A FUCKING MORON!"

"YOU SHOULD HAVE! YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!"

"SO SHOULD HAVE YOU! THIS IS NOT ALL ON ME! IT'S ON YOU TOO! SHE'S YOUR BESTFRIEND AND VICE VERSA! SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TELL YOU BECAUSE SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABOE TO TRUST YOU BUT SHE COULDN'T TRUST YOU BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR HER! YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO BE THERE FOR HER! I MIGHT HAVE FAILED AT BEING THERE FOR HER BUT AT LEAST I FUCKING TRIED!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE!"

"REALLY? I DON'T? I WAS THERE TOO MEG!"

"TROY CHRISTOPHER SHEPHERD AND MEGAN SELENA ROBBINS TORRES! THAT IS ENOUGH!" I heard Aunt Nancy yell. She walked closer to us and I realized half the hospital had heard our conversation. "You're sister" she said to me "and your cousin" she said to Meg "is lying in a hospital dead close to death and you two are out here yelling at each other so loud I heard you, actually, the whole family heard you from the private waiting room. You two successfully managed to make the family more upset than they already were which is pretty difficult let me tell you! So both of you stop this nonsense right now and go to the waiting room! Troy, why on earth do you look high?" She asked me appalled.

"Because he is." Meg stated.

"Shut up Meg!"

"Oh my god! Troy what the hell were you thinking? You better pray to god your parents don't notice. I will tell them but after Morgan is ok." She said.

I frowned but followed Aunt Nancy to the waiting room where my whole family's faces were full of worry, sadness, anger, fear, disappointment, embarrassment, but mostly anger. Shit I was dead.

"TROY CHRISTOPHER SHEPHERD!" Shit. Dad has never been this pissed at me. "HOW DARE YOU USE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE WITH ANYONE BUT ESPECIALLY YOUR OWN COUSIN! AND WHY ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO BLAME THIS ON HER!? I MEAN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" I kept quiet. "ANSWER ME!" I literally jumped at his tone of voice.

"Derek, calm down. You're upset and you'll regret this later." Mom said putting her hand on dad's arm. At least mom was trying to reason with him.

"Meredith he had no right to say any of that to Meg." Dad argued. At least he wasn't yelling anymore. "And where one earth have you been?" He asked turning towards me.

"Driving." I answered shrugging a little bit.

"Don't you dare lie to me Troy!" Dad said raising his voice. He wasn't yelling but his voice was as firm and demanding that I'd rather be yelled at.

"At Tyler's house." I said.

"Really? Tyler's? Oh my god Troy! Are you stupid?" Jordan asked me.

"Jordan..." Uncle Mark warned him.

"No Jordan please continue what is wrong with Tyler's house?" Dad asked.

Jordan bit his lip and looked at me with apologetic eyes. "Nothing really it's just Tyler's not the best guy to hang out with."

"Why is that?" Mom asked him.

"He doesn't always follow the law." Jordan was trying his best to avoid flat out saying what exactly was wrong with Tyler's house.

"Have you been drinking?" Dad asked me.

"No sir." I answered which wasn't a lie. I didn't have one sip of alcohol.

"Oh my god." Mom said.

"What?" Dad asked.

"Seriously Troy? Oh my god!" Mom said her voice between normal volume and a yell. I looked around to see what family members had figured it out. Aunt Amy, Nancy, and Kathleen seemed to have figured out as well as Addison, Jake, Violet, Cooper, Charlotte, and Uncle Mike. The rest of my family remained like my dad, oblivious.

"I'm sorry mom." I said.

"What is going on? Troy what did you do?" Dad asked.

I suddenly felt like a toddler caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I couldn't look at anyone. I just stared at the ground.

"Our son has done drugs." Mom said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX

Whoa didn't see that coming did you? Well anyway, how was it? What should Troy's punishment be? What should happen to Morgan. What are Ryan and Taylor thinking. How is this affecting the rest of the family? Ideas? Opinions? Love? Hate? Please review!


	8. Chapter 8

Morgan P.O.V

"_MORGAN! TIME TO GET UP!" I heard the voice of my mother call. Gash why is she waking me up? It's summer. _

"_IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL; YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LATE!" Dad's voice followed moms. School? Whatever happened to summer?_

_I dragged myself out of bed and quickly got ready for school. I headed down to the kitchen where my family, dad, mom, Troy, Ryan, and Taylor, were sitting around the table laughing, eating dad's famous chocolate chip banana pancakes. I took my seat and took a few pancakes from the plate in the middle of the table. _

_Breakfast passed by uneventful and we left for school. My best friend Megan was sitting in her brother Jordan's BMW. I guess we were sort of cousins but we were all best friends. Meg saw Troy pull his jeep into the spot next to them and quickly hopped out of the car and linked arms with me as soon as I got out of the front seat. We walked into our first day of sophomore year._

_The first day went by and it was like every other first day of school. Go through your classes for about 30 minutes, meet your teachers, receive your syllabus, and finish with a "back to school party". The coaches weren't allowed to hold practices today so Troy drove all of us home. _

_Weeks passed and everything was normal. Troy was tearing it up on the football field, I was having a blast cheering, Taylor made the middle school cheer team and Ryan the middle school football team, mom and dad were happy and loving their work. We had a fun, normal life. _

I realized I was dreaming as soon as I began coming to. My life wasn't normal or perfect, my life sucked. I wanted to end my life.

I suddenly became aware of the annoying sounds of what I knew HAD to be a hospital room. If heaven is like a hospital I wanted no part in it. I smelled the hospital. The hand sanitizer, soap, and alcohol. I heard the hospital, the heart monitor, the respirator, the busyness of the hallway that was around me. I felt the hospital, the annoying itch of where an IV had been placed, the drowsiness of the medicine, the pain everywhere. I couldn't figure it out. Why aren't I dead? I took enough pills to kill me so why the hell am I still here. I never wanted to open my eyes. I knew what was going to happen the second I did. Mom and dad would cry then I would get a humongous lecture and then I would be sent to the psych floor to be locked up with crazy people for at least a week. I'm not crazy. I just was tired of life. There was nothing more the world could offer me except for pain. What's crazy about wanting to avoid pain?

I finally managed to find the courage to open my eyes and face my family. The first person I saw was mom. I tried to say something but I couldn't talk. I felt like I was choking on this tube they had shoved down my throat. I began coughing and mom moved to my side in an instant taking my hand. Dad moved from his spot on the other side of my bed and his hands went to the tube. He took the tape holding it in place off. "When I count to three breathe out. 1, 2, 3." I did as I was told and dad pulled the tube out of my throat. I coughed a bit but after a sip of water I felt fine.

"Morgan, sweetie, I'm so glad you're awake. I was so scared baby." Mom said as tears formed in her eyes. I rolled my eyes. She's happy, yeah right.

"We all were." Dad said motioning to himself, mom, and Aunt Kathleen whom I had just noticed standing in the door. Great they do think I'm crazy.

"Will you please talk to her?" Mom asked me with pleading eyes.

I didn't answer her. I didn't want to talk to anyone about anything, ever. "Please baby. For us?" Dad asked.

"Fine I'll talk to Aunt Kathleen but I won't talk to some damn stranger and I sure as hell won't be locked up in a fucking mental institution with crazy people." I answered.

I could have sworn I saw a smile begin to creep up on dad's face but he quickly covered it. "No need for that kind of language Mo." He gently scolded me.

"Do I have to talk about this in front of you two?" I asked my parents praying to God the answer was no.

"If it'll be easier with us gone then no." Mom answered.

I nodded which she took as her and dad's cue to leave as she took his hand and led him out of my room. Aunt Kathy approached me and took mom's place at the chair by my bed. "I'm glad you're ok sweetie." She began. Somehow I knew there was a but coming. "But we need to talk about this." She was so predictable.

"I know." I answered simply.

"Why don't we start with the cutting? How about why you decided to do that?" She questioned. Gosh she was already shrinking. So much for easing into the questions.

I honestly don't know the answer to that though. There are so many reasons, the obvious being the rape but she knew about the rape so what else did she want me to say? "It makes me feel better." I answered.

"What do you mean?" She asked curiously crossing her legs as she did so.

"It helped me forget about him." I nervously replied.

"About George?" She had become comfortable and I knew neither of us was leaving for a long time.

"I had to have some way to forget. He's everywhere. I see him everywhere I go. At school, at the store, the mall, the movies, he's all over the place." I answered.

"He's in jail now though."

"I know that. He wasn't at first though. At first I thought he could be anywhere just waiting to hurt me again."

"When did you start cutting?" She asked like it was the most normal question in the world.

"I'm not sure I think either the day after it happened. It made me feel good to hurt somewhere other than where he hurt me."

"You mean to control where you hurt?" She questioned.

"I guess so." I never really thought of it that way but now that she mentions it that seems sort of true.

"Did you plan on getting this far? I mean cuts this deep?"

"No. Not at first at least. At first it was just a little here and there and it just stopped working so I had to cut deeper."

"Do you feel like you could stop?"

The obvious answer was no. Of course I couldn't stop but if I told her that they'd send me away to the looney place for the rest of my life to live in padded rooms in a straight jacket. "Maybe."

"What about the not eating? When did that start?"

"After people thought and said I was pregnant. I thought if I was skinnier they'd leave me alone. I was wrong."

"When's the last time you willingly ate a full meal without purging?" She asked looking a bit more concerned.

Honestly I had no idea. Probably back when Aunt Julia made that lasagna right afterwards. I didn't not want to eat after that I was just too upset to eat. "I don't know." I stated.

"Do you want to die? Were you trying to kill yourself?" She asked. That was one question I wasn't going to answer.

"I'm not answering that." I said stubbornly. She sighed but continued anyway.

"Do you feel like being here, in Seattle I mean, is making things worse?" She asked me.

Maybe it was. I mean I can't even go in my own backyard without wondering if someone is going to come hurt me again. Maybe Seattle is most of the problem. But who says I want to get better? I honestly don't. I really just want to die. "Yes." I blabbed out unable to control my mouth. "Everywhere I go he's there." I explained.

"Do you think getting away would help?" She asked me.

"I'm NOT going to a damn crazy house!" I answered.

"I didn't mean a mental institution; I meant maybe coming to New York with me for awhile. It might help to just get away from Seattle, away from your school, away from your parents and siblings who honestly do just want to help but are being a bit over barring. It's not a permanent fix but it could help." She said.

Well I guess New York to talk to my aunt is better than staying here to talk to some damn stranger or be locked up. "Yeah ok." I answered.

"Ok, well I talked to your parents already about this and they think you should stay as long as it takes to heal but also think you should attend school so you will go to school in New York for the semester."

Finally, a school where not everyone knew everything about me. "Ok, when do we leave?" I questioned just wanting to get out of this hell hole.

"Well, first you have to be discharged from the hospital, and I thought since everyone is already here, we might as well have Thanksgiving as we planned. Christmas will be in New York this year though."

A few more weeks wouldn't be so bad. "Sounds good. When do you think I'll be allowed to leave this place?" I knew she would understand my desire to leave since this is where I came when everything bad happened to me and since she knew I hated hospitals.

"I'm not sure; I just gave you your psych eval so I guess when you are medically ok."

"How many people are here?" I asked pleading mentally that the family had gone home.

"Well, we sent your uncles home with the cousins and LA folks but Nancy, Amy, Danielle, and Nana wouldn't leave."

"Are they mad at me?"

"No sweetie. We're all just worried about you." She said moving my chin to look at her. "None of this, not your actions or what happened to you, was your fault."

"I tried to kill myself, I did a lot of crap that is unthinkable, and how is that not my fault?"

"It was the way you tried to deal with things which wasn't healthy but you were just trying to feel better."

"I'm sorry Aunt Kathy." I said using the name I used to say before I could say Kathleen.

She took me in a hug and rubbed my back. "I know you are baby but I'm not mad I promise."

I felt tears roll down my cheeks. "What about mom and dad?"

"Sweet heart, I promise NO ONE, not your mom, dad, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, or Nana, are mad at you."

"Ok."

"So you ready to face people yet?" She asked me.

"Do I have a choice?"

"The sooner you do, the sooner you can leave."

"By all means bring 'em in." I said wanting so badly to leave.

Aunt Kathleen momentarily left and came back with Nana who quickly ran to me and wrapped her arms around me kissing my forehead.

"Sweet pea, I was so worried. I love you baby girl." She whispered to me.

I took in her scent, the scent that always comforted me when I was upset. When I was little, mom even went so far as to buy the perfume she used and put it on a shirt she would give me to hold when I was upset.

"I love you Nana." I said looking into her kind, caring, compassionate, brown eyes. She smiled at me and gave me another hug. I noticed she looked tired. She probably hadn't slept since I was found in my room that day. "Nana, you look tired. You need to go home and go to sleep." I ordered.

"Hey, I thought I was the nurse." She said cracking a smile.

"Well not today." I answered.

"Well yes mam, I will go home and sleep I promise, let me just hold you for a little bit longer."

I gladly accepted the invitation and let her hold me in her loving arms for what seemed like hours. She finally let go and was replaced by Aunt Amy.

She, like my Nana, quickly ran to me and wrapped her arms so tight around me I thought I would die. "You never scare me like that again!" She scolded.

"I'm sorry Aunt Amy." I said returning the hug.

She looked into my eyes with her identical blue ones. "No, I'm sorry angel; you should never have had to go through any of that."

Funny how no one will let me apologize. "Will you apologize to the LA people for my behavior?"

"Babe, they understand."

"I know they probably do but still, it'll make me feel better."

"Anything for you angel."

"Thanks Aunt Amy."

"It's no problem kid. Now I've got to skedaddle before Nance kills me for taking too long. She's chomping at the bit to see you."

I smiled a bit at her and she gave me a quick goodbye hug and left the room. The next hour was spent with Aunt Nancy and Aunt Danny loving on me and telling me how nothing was my fault. All I had to think of that was bull shit. All of this was my fault. Everyone went home except Aunt Kathy. She had ordered mom and dad to go get a good night of sleep and after much arguing they left.

Aunt Kathy stayed with me all night and was there to comfort me during my nightmare. Maybe going to stay with her would make me better. Maybe this is what I needed.


	9. Chapter 9

Blink Chapter 9

Kathleen's kids: Christopher (senior in HS 17), COLLEGE KIDS

Morgan P.O.V

Thanksgiving went by quickly and I'm finally in New York with Christopher, Aunt Kathleen and Uncle Mike. It was strange not having siblings. It was just the four of us and I liked it that way. I don't have to start school until next semester so I get to just chill with Aunt Kathleen most of the time. Sometimes I go to her practice or Uncle Mike's and just sit around texting Megan. It's nice to not have the stress of school but I do miss having friends to hang out with. Christopher said he'll introduce me to some of his friends from school to hang out with. Just three more days and I'll meet them. They're coming over Friday after school. Today I'm going to chill at Aunt Kathleen's practice and am having an appointment with her. She feels like having a formal appointment is better than just talking at home. She says it is probably easier for me to talk to her in a professional environment where there's no way anyone could over hear us. I like Aunt Kathleen's practice. It's very happy and cheery and has more channels than Uncle Mike's on the TV. It doesn't hurt that there is an extremely attractive college guy as the receptionist. I get lucky sometimes too and meet a nice person my age in the waiting room. It's nice here. Aunt Kathleen doesn't want me to feel tempted to hurt myself, that's why I don't just stay home alone. That's what brings me where I am right now, sitting in her extremely large comfortable office messing around on the computer. I deleted my facebook because of the mean things people kept saying so I'm left with only my twitter to entertain me.

Nothing interesting was being tweeted so I decided to watch a movie on Netflix. I turned on some Christmas movie. After 30 minutes of boredom I decided to go hang out in the waiting room. Sometimes if no one is around, I secretly play with the Legos that are out for the kid patients. I wandered through the halls and opened the door to the waiting room. I looked around and saw a very attractive guy my age sitting in a chair. I thought oh what the hell and went over and sat beside him.

"Hey, I'm Morgan." I introduced myself. He turned towards me and smiled.

"Trenton." He said kindly. He really was attractive with his shaggy black hair and grey eyes.

"So what is a nice guy like you doing here?" I asked. I never was one for avoiding the obvious and obviously he was here because he had some problem. "Sorry, you don't have to answer that. I'm sort of blunt, it's one of my worse qualities."

He laughed. "That's ok. I'm not a patient, my mom is. She has paranoid schizophrenia and I drove her today."

"That was nice of you."

"So what brings a pretty girl like you here?" He asked me.

"I'm staying with my aunt here for awhile and don't start school till after Christmas. This is her practice so I tagged along today."

"Well I'm assuming since you said aunt, you aren't my mom's doctor's niece."

"I'm Dr. Shepherd-Lewis's daughter."

"That's cool. So how old are you?"

"15, you?"

"16."

"Sophomore or junior?"

"Sophomore, I just turned 16 last week."

"Well happy birthday. I'm a sophomore too."

"So you're not from around here? You must be lonely."

"You got it. I have my cousin Christopher but he's always at football or hanging out with his friends."

"Wait Christopher Lewis is your cousin?"

"Yeah, you know him?"

"He's our quarterback so yeah I do."

"Are you on the team?"

"No but football is pretty big at our school so we all know who's on the team."

"Thank god I finally met someone I'll be in school with."

"You're coming to NY Prep?"

"Yeah."

"You'll like it. It's pretty chill."

"So what do you do for fun around here?"

"Skateboard, play guitar, party, there's endless possibilities."

"You play guitar? That's so cool!"

"Yeah it's pretty fun. What do you do?"

"Well I used to cheer but that ended, I now play soccer and a bit of piano."

"You should come hang out with me and the band sometime."

"You're in a band?"

"Yeah, we call ourselves Dark Twist."

"That's cool. What kind of music?"

"Anything really."

"Here give me your phone and I'll put my number in." I said while I handed him my phone. We exchanged numbers and made small talk for awhile before Aunt Kathleen said to come with her.

I followed her back into her office that she talks to people in. Yes she has two offices, I know crazy right? I took my seat on her big couch and she sat in her desk chair with her pad of paper. "So, how have you been feeling? Since the last time we talked I mean? I know you were struggling."

"Yeah things have gotten some better. I like to stay busy. I've started drawing."

"Drawings good. What do you draw?"

"Whatever I feel inspired to draw. I like to draw people."

"Are they just people or do they have feelings and detail?"

"Sometimes they're just people but other times they have emotion and lots of detail. Sometimes I draw myself, the way I wish I was."

"And how is that?"

"Happy, healthy, without the cuts."

"So you want to be healthy and want to stop cutting?"

"Yeah I just don't know how to stop. It's like I become another person when I do it. I don't think about it anymore its habit."

"I know it is. I also know that this habit is extremely difficult to break."

"I met someone in your waiting room."

"That boy? Yeah I've seen him before. He brings his mother in."

"Yeah, his name is Trenton. He's nice. When I talked to him I forgot I had problems just for a few seconds but I did forget."

"That's good."

"I was afraid though. You know I've gotten used to Chris and Uncle Mike but other guys still scare you."

"And that's expected. It'll get better with time and as you develop a stronger bond with people."

"I haven't had as many nightmares since we got here. I don't see him as much either."

"That's probably because getting away from Seattle also got you away from the memories of him."

"I don't know what else to say." I admitted. And honestly I didn't. Not much has happened lately.

"That's ok. That's actually pretty good that you don't feel as upset as you used to."

"On a personal note, is it ok if I hang with Trenton sometime? I got his number."

"After I meet him." She said giving me her stern aunt look.

"Ok. So what else do we have planned for today?"

"Aunt Amy is coming into town so we are having dinner at Nana's and then nothing."

"Can we go home yet?"

"I've got one more patient but it shouldn't take long."

"I'll be in your office."

I got up and went to her office and immediately took out my phone to text Trenton. We texted about everything. We texted about his mom and how he said she's starting to get better, we texted about me, I told him some of the problems I had been having and about the rape. He took it well and told me how he's so sorry and that he'd never let anyone hurt me ever again. He asked me if I could come hang out with him tomorrow since he had the day off for teacher-in-service. I told him probably but that I'd have to ask Aunt Kathleen first. I was so in depth with our conversation I didn't even here Aunt Kathleen say it was time to go. She finally managed to get my attention and we got in the car.

"Aunt Kathleen, is it ok if I hang out with Trenton tomorrow since he has the day off from school?"

"I told you I'd have to meet him." She started.

"He knows Chris, not a personal level but he goes to school with him. You could meet him tonight. Like after dinner maybe? He could come introduce himself at Nana's house."

"It's sort of last minute Mo."

"Please?"

"If he can come to Nana's after dinner."

"Ok!" I sent a quick text to Trenton and he asked for the time and address and agreed once I sent it. "He said he'll be there at 8:30."

"Alright, so I was thinking that maybe a trip to the mall would be fun. I need some new boots and you know you can ALWAYS use more clothes."

I knew what she really meant. She wanted to use me as her real life Barbie doll and dress me up. "You mean you want to play dress up with me."

She smiled "You know me well."

"Ok fine but there is five outfit limit." I told her knowing if I didn't set limits we'd be there all night.

The shopping trip was pretty fun and I got some cute clothes out of it so I had no complaints. After the trip, it was time to go to Nana's. We arrived right at the same time as Chris. Together, we all walked inside. I saw Aunt Amy and got very excited. I had seen a lot of my other aunts lately but not a lot of her. I ran to her and she wrapped her arms around me.

"Where's Pete?" I asked her.

"He had to work." She answered. I knew there was more to that answer. They are probably fighting again.

Chris gave her a huge hug and we went to sit down and eat. The food was served and everyone was happily eating when Aunt Kathleen thought it'd be a great idea to broadcast to the family I had a boy coming to meet them. "So, Morgan has a boy coming over after dinner!" She said.

I gave her a look that said 'why on earth did you do that?' she just smiled in return. "A boy? Who?" Christopher questioned.

"Trenton." I said blushing a bit.

"Trenton Davis?" He asked.

"You know him?" I said.

"Yeah, he plays guitar in a band with one of my friends. He's pretty cool."

I smiled at him. Thank god I had his approval. "Yeah he's really nice."

"And SUPER cute!" Kelsey added holding her hand out for a high five.

I blushed more if that was even possible and probably looked like a tomato. "Well I'm happy to meet the little guy!" Uncle Mike exclaimed.

Oh god no! I'd heard horror stories from my cousins about Uncle Mike meeting boys and scaring them away. "Please be nice." I pleaded.

He flashed me a grin. "I'll be nice if he's a good guy."

"I want to know more about him!" Aunt Amy said.

I frowned. This was going to be a LONG dinner. "Well he's 16, plays guitar, skateboards, and is very nice." I said hoping that would cover it.

"What does he look like? We need more details!" Aunt Danielle said.

"He's tall, has black hair, grey eyes, is muscular, and is sort of tan." I said.

After being questioned the rest of dinner about him, it was finally 8:30. I was nervous about him meeting so many people at once. He seemed sort of shy and I'm not sure how well this will all go over. I heard a knock at the door and ran as fast as I could so I could be sure I was the one that answered. I opened the door and smiled as I saw he not only was a perfect guy but I had style too. He was sporting some black skinny jeans and a grey polo shirt with his black north face and black converse shoes.

"Hey! Ok before I say anything else I'm going to warn you. All my aunts and uncles are here and a few questions and they are all very interested in you and will get the information out of you someway or another. My uncles are scary but have empty threats. Good luck with this." I said.

He laughed. "I'm sure they aren't THAT bad." He said.

"You haven't met them yet." I said in a serious tone.

"I'll be fine." He said to me.

Together, we walked to the living room where my family all sat chatting about their days at work. "This is Trenton." I announced to them trying to get their attention.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all." He said smiling.

Chris got up and gave him a fist bump. "Hey bruh, good to see ya." He said.

"Good to see you too."

I smiled nervously and pleadingly at my family. They hopefully would understand the pleading look was to not be too mean to Trenton. "It's nice to meet you too. Morgan has told us ALL about you." Aunt Amy said. I gave her a look that said 'please don't be mean.'

"So…we've got a guitar and I know you play. Will you play us something?" Kelsey thank you! Thank you for giving us something to distract the family from questioning him.

"Sure. What's your favorite song?"

"You probably don't know it." She said.

"Try me."

"In My Veins by Andrew Belle."

"I love that song. Do you sing?"

"No but Morgan does! Oh Morgan! PLEASE sing the girl part! Chris can sing the other guy part! It'll be GREAT!"

I haven't sang since before I was raped but I guess I need to try. "Yeah ok."

Uncle Mike handed him the guitar and he tuned it real quick. "Ready?" He asked us.

We both nodded.

"Well here goes nothing." He began playing.

Nothing goes as planned  
Everything will break  
People say goodbye  
In their own special way  
All that you rely on  
And all that you can fake  
Will leave you in the morning  
But find you in the day

Oh, you're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
Oh, you're all I taste  
At night inside of my mouth  
Oh, you run away  
'Cause I am not what you found  
Oh, you're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out

Everything will change  
Nothing stays the same  
Nobody here's perfect  
Oh, but everyone's to blame  
Oh, all that you rely on  
And all that you can save  
Will leave you in the morning  
And find you in the day

Oh, you're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
Oh, you're all I taste  
At night in my veins  
And I cannot get you out

(No, I cannot get you out)  
(No, I cannot get you)  
(Oh no, I cannot get you out)  
(No, I cannot get you)

Everything is dark  
It's more inside of my mouth  
Oh, you run away  
'Cause I am not what you found  
Oh, you're than you can take  
But you catch a glimpse of sun light  
Shining, shining down on your face  
On your face  
(On your face)

Oh, you're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
Oh, you're all I taste  
At night inside of my mouth  
Oh, you run away  
'Cause I am not what you found  
Oh, you're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
(No)

No, I cannot get you out  
(Oh, you're in my veins)  
No, I cannot get you out  
Oh no, I cannot get you

We finished the song and man it felt good to sing again. I was very impressed by Trenton's voice. It was like an angel singing. The family all clapped and we Chris, Trenton, and I looked at each other and laughed.

"That was great kids." Nana said. "Well for what it's worth I like him Mo."

I blushed and Trenton laughed. It felt good to be with him. It felt really REALLY right. "Thanks Nana." I said.

"Do you know any Aerosmith?" Uncle Jeremiah asked. I smiled at the acceptance my uncles were showing him.

The rest of the night was spent listening to Trenton play guitar and sing. On the way back home, Aunt Kathleen told me she TOTALLY approved of me hanging out with Trenton. It made me happy. I finally had a friend and hopefully he would become more than that.

The next morning, I got up and took extra long getting ready so I could look presentable for Trenton. I decided on some skinny jeans with rips in them and a black and white tight t-shirt with a black blazer and some black boots. I heard a car horn honk and knew it must be Trenton. I got excited, grabbed my purse, and literally ran to the car. I got in the front seat and smiled at him.

"You look really beautiful." He said causing me to blush.

"Thanks."

"So I was wondering if you wanted to go hang with the band and their girlfriends?"

"Yeah that sounds fun."

"Ok. You'll like them. There is Brylon, Chad, Shane, and Tyrone. Brylon is with Ashley, Chad is with Paige, Shane is with Claire, and Tyrone is with Molly."

"Does this mean I'm with you? Like WITH you?" I said excitedly.

"Well this isn't how I planned on doing this but, Morgan, would you be my girlfriend?"

I smiled like a crazy person. "Of course!" I said.

He smiled back at me. We finished the drive to Tyrone's house, where we were hanging out, and got out of the car. We walked in and joined the group of people in the garage which had been converted to a band room. "Guys, this is Morgan, my girlfriend." That sounded so good. "Morgan, this is Brylon, Chad, Shane, Tyrone, Ashley, Paige, Claire, and Molly."

"Hey, it's nice to meet you guys." I said.

"Nice to meet you to!" The girl with spiky red hair that I noticed as Ashley said.

"Want a beer?" Tyrone asked me. Beer? Well I guess most people my age do drink.

"Yeah ok." I said. I took a seat on the couch by Trenton. After rocking out to some music, we all just sat talking. That's when Brylon pulled out a joint. He took a puff and passed it to Ashley. The joint made it's way to me.

"Want a hit?" Chad asked me.

"I've actually never smoked before." I admitted.

"Here I'll show you." Trenton said.

He slowly took a 'hit' and handed it to me. I looked cautiously at it. "It'll make you feel good." Ashley said.

Feel good? If something as simple as this could make me feel good then why not? I took the joint and slowly inhaled the weed and blew it out. It took a few times but I finally got what Ashley meant by feeling good. I felt like I was flying and forgot about any cares I had in the world. I also felt the overwhelming desire to have more. Shane handed me a small bag.

"For when you get home." He told me.

I looked inside and saw a bunch of different little bags. One had joints, another with coke, one with various pills, and then I saw a bag with a needle and the things intended to go in the shot. "Thanks." I said.

Trenton made sure I was no longer high and took me home.

4 days have gone by and I loved the drugs I was given. It made me forget about everything that had happened to me. I was careful about when I used them. Mostly at night so I wouldn't be high when I had to face people. I think Christ knows. He keeps giving me this look of knowing but he has yet to confront me. I am going to spend the day with Trenton again since it's Sunday and he's not in school. I heard his traditional three honks that let me know he was here. I got in his car and he drove us to his house. I noticed there were no other cars here. "We have the house to ourselves for the day." He told me.

I got a little nervous at that statement. He wouldn't want me to have sex with him would he? I mean we've only been dating for a few days. Maybe he just meant we had freedom to drink and get high. I honestly struggled to even let him hug me. As much as I hate to admit it, it brings back bad memories.

"I'll show you my room." He said.

"Ok, sounds good."

I followed him up to his room which looked exactly as I expected. Red walls, black carpet and furniture. He sat on his bed and motioned for me to do the same. "I want to try something." He said to me.

He began to try and make out with me. I pulled away. "What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Come ON Mo! You'll love it!"

"No!"

He tried to make out with me again and his hands wondered up my shirt. "STOP!" I yelled.

He didn't listen. He kept trying to go further and further. He laid on top of me and tried to take my clothes off. "You'll be very pleased." He said.

"STOP! STOP STOP STOP! PLEASE STOP!"

"WHAT THE FUCK? MORGAN YOU KNOW THIS WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DATE ME!"

"I'm not ready! YOU KNOW ABOUT THE RAPE! STOP!"

"If you aren't ready for this, then you're not ready to date me! We're over! Get out of my house!"

I got up and ran outside sobbing. I sat down and pulled out my phone and dialed Chris's number. "Hello?"

"Chris!" I said through tears.

"Mo! Are you ok? What's wrong?"

"Can you come get me? I don't want to be here anymore?"

"Where are you? What happened? Did he hurt you?"

"I'm at his house and yes he hurt me. Please come get me."

"I'll be right there." He said. I heard the anger in his voice.

I waited for Chris to get to me. I wanted him to protect me. I knew once he got here that I would be safe. Chris got here quicker than he should have and I knew he must have been speeding. He ran up to me and helped me up. "What happened? What'd he do!?"

"He tried to make me have sex with him." I said still sobbing.

Chris went up to the door and knocked. I saw the image of Trenton opening the door and then saw Chris throw his fist into Trenton's jaw. Chris came to me and helped me into his car. I began sobbing harder than before. "It's ok, you're safe now." Chris said in a comforting tone.

I took this time to see his swollen bleeding knuckle. "Thank you." I said.

"I was glad to do it. Let's get you to mom ok?"

I nodded. The drive home was spent with only the sound of my cries in the car. We got there only to realize that no one was here. "Maybe they're at Nana's." I said.

"We'll go there then."

Chris drove like a maniac to Nana's house and helped me out of the car. He opened the door and we hear laughter coming from the living room. We together walked in and Aunt Kathleen saw me and her smile turned to a look of worry. "Morgan? Baby what's wrong?" She asked me as she made her way to me taking me in her arms.

"He knew and he still tried." I said through my tears.

"What happened to your hand?" Uncle Mike asked Chris giving me and him both a concerned look. I sobbed even harder and Aunt Kathleen's grip on me tightened.

"Oh my god! What'd he do to you?" Kelsey asked I guess being the first to put two and two together.

"He tried to make me have sex with him. I tried to stop him but he wouldn't. I finally got away." I sobbed.

"That's when she called me and I came to get her and punched the bastard." Chris finished.

"He knew everything and he still tried to do it!" I sobbed.

I felt my knees buckle and Aunt Kathleen was now supporting my whole body weight. She helped me to the couch. I felt Aunt Amy's arm go around me too.

"I'm going to kill him." I heard Uncle Tommy and Uncle Mike said simultaneously.

"I think I already did." Chris admitted. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to hit him that hard."

"What do you mean?" Uncle Mike asked him.

"I knocked him out and we split. Damn my hand hurts but it was worth it."

I saw Uncle Mike take his hand and begin examining it. "Yeah well you broke two knuckles so you must have used some force."

I sobbed into Aunt Kathleen's chest as I came to even more of the realization of what just happened causing my uncles to stop talking about Chris's hand and begin to hover wondering what to do for me.

I sobbed so hard I threw up on Nana's couch and that's when Aunt Kathleen decided to lay me down in a bed upstairs which I gladly accepted the invitation to do. I sobbed myself to sleep.

A few days have gone by since the incident and I was having to limit how much of my drug stash I used since I knew I wouldn't be getting anymore. I had snapped and cut again. Aunt Kathleen didn't know about that. I don't tell her the honest way I feel. I know she knows but she doesn't say anything, not yet at least. I'm staying at Nana's tonight since it's one of Aunt Amy's last nights here. We had had a girl's night with manicures, pedicures, the notebook, and a twilight marathon and I was finally alone and able to take more drugs. I looked at my options. Oxy or Heroin, decisions, decisions. I settled with heroin and took the needle out and began to shoot it in my arm. That's when all hell broke loose. The door to my room opened with Aunt Amy saying something about making a midnight snack and then she dropped the plate of cookies.

"Morgan Shepherd! What the HELL do you think you're doing?"

I was busted, officially and utterly busted. "You wouldn't understand!" I screamed at her knowing I probably just dug my grave a bit deeper.

"Do you have ANY idea how utterly stupid and irresponsible this is?!" She screamed back. "What all did you take?!" I stayed quiet. "What all DID YOU TAKE?!"

"None of your damn business!"

"Don't you dare get smart with me!"

"Leave me alone!"

Nana came in I guess after hearing all the commotion. "What on Earth is going on in here?" She asked us.

"Tell her Morgan!" Aunt Amy yelled at me.

"Why should I?! It's no one's business except mine!"I snapped.

"Fine if you won't tell her I will! Mom, Morgan has decided it's a good idea to do drugs."

"Is this true?" Nana asked me.

"Yes." I said. "It makes me feel better."

"I'm VERY disappointed in you." She said.

That's the first time I've actually disappointed Nana. Sure I've made her mad before but never disappointed. The guilt began to sink in. "I'm calling Kathleen right now." Aunt Amy said.

Aunt Kathleen arrived at Nana's and told me that I was coming home with her and that my little stash was staying here. I reluctantly got in the car. "What were you thinking? I mean Morgan! You know that drugs is one of the only things our family disapproves of. How could you?" She asked me.

I felt tears form as I noticed I not only disappointed Nana and Aunt Amy but Aunt Kathleen too. "I'm sorry it just made things easier. It made me forget."

"I don't even know how to respond. Your Uncle Mike and I are going to discuss this and call your parents and we'll talk more tomorrow." She said to me.

"I'm sorry." I said crying harder now.

"I know you are. I believe you are sincerely sorry but even if you are, drugs are serious and we can't just 'let this slide'."

"Please don't call mom and dad. They'll make me come back to Seattle and I can't. I'm finally somewhat happy please don't tell them."

"I'll talk to your Uncle Mike and then decide."

"I'm so sorry." I said sobbing now.

"I know you are."

"It's just he convinced me to take a hit of weed and I couldn't stop. I wanted to stop I just couldn't."

"Who convinced you to take a hit?"

"Trenton. All his friends did it and then Ashley said it'd make me happy and I thought if something as little as taking a hit could make me happy then why not. I just wanted to be happy. I haven't been honest with you. I'm not happy. I'm sad and scared and I want to cut and I don't want to eat and I want to try and kill myself again." I admitted.

"I knew you weren't telling me everything but baby, you should have." She said her tone being concerned rather than angry for the first time tonight. "I understand that you feel that way but I don't want you to feel that way. I can help you if you let me but you have to let me. Please baby, let me help you." She pleaded.

"I'll try harder. I want to be better." I said honestly.

I do want to be better. I want to be happy without the drugs. I want to have normal emotions and teenage problems. I want to be happy and I want to be better.


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry it's been so long, well anyway, here's the final chapter. Review please **

Morgan POV

Years had passed since my little "slip up". I loved staying in New York with Aunt Kathleen it helped me forget but eventually I had to go home. I'm officially 2 years 3 months and 14 days sober from cutting. I met a few new friends while I was in New York and instantly fell in love with the idea of being normal once again. Damien, my now boyfriend, at the time had become my other half. He understood me and in the short time I'd known him, he helped me heal more than I could have dreamed. He called at least once a day to let me just talk to him about whatever I wanted to and we would hang out every Friday while I was in New York. I was afraid I would lose him because I wasn't exactly into the idea of long distance relationships but we are still going strong. There's also my new friend Gabriela. She is the kindest person I know and has had a hell of a life but that's what has made her so strong. She used to cut a long time ago and was more than willing to help me stop. She and I would hang out a ton because she lives next door to Aunt Kathleen. She came over every day after she would get home from school and we would just do normal girl things. We talked about boys and watched movies mostly with occasional makeovers or rants about life in general. She has become one of the reasons I've stopped. She has been through just as much as I had but found the will to quit so I thought "Why shouldn't I?" I still remember the day she told me about her life.

She had come over to drop off something from her mom to Aunt Kathleen and we met. We talked like normal friends until she caught sight of my cuts. I was embarrassed at first but she assured me she understood. She went on to tell me her dad had sexually abused her until she was 12 and finally told a friend's mom who reported it. She had to testify against her own father and it tore her apart. She too turned to cutting as a way to deal with her troubles but not so fortunately for her she cut to deep one time and passed out from losing so much blood. She told me her mom quickly got my Uncle Mike and he stopped the bleeding and they got her to a hospital. Aunt Kathleen helped her stop. She says the main reason she was so willing was because of the scare of what happened and knowing it could happen again. She said it took time and she had a few slips here and there but in the end all the effort was worth it. She held me accountable for my actions and her first hand knowledge knew what could be triggering to me.

I talked to her about the boy situation and not being comfortable but she assured me that it gets better with time. She said that the right guy will understand that and take things very slowly. She had been completely right. Damien didn't mind my fear in him touching me. The day I let him kiss me was a huge step and the day we had sex was even more massive. She had been just what I needed. Someone I could relate to and understand. She was my new best friend and I hope that will never change.

Aunt Amy finally forgave me for the drugs. I was stupid and irrational with that. I mean I don't think I was addicted it just really did make me feel better. Let's just say with me breaking her trust I also broke the rest of my aunts and uncles trust. Luckily they decided to not tell my parents because I begged them not to and told them I would tell my parents when I was better. I was watched a lot more closely by everyone since them. I slowly regained their trust and did tell my parents. They were disappointed but not angry. They were just worried about me.

Another thing that has changed is that I've learned to live every day like it's my last one. Life is unexpected and no one should ever take even just a moment forgranted because your whole life can change in a blink.

Her I sit now, nervously awaiting the time I would stand at the podium and give my validvictorian speech. I had been over it at least a million times but I was very nervous now as the time was literally seconds away. The headmaster introduced me and I carefully made my way to the podium. I looked out in the crowd to see my whole family and most of mom and dad's friends in the front rows of the very large crowds.

"Fellow classmates, teachers, parents, friends, I would like to begin my speech with a poem. It is called "If" by Kipling. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, or being lied about, don't deal in lies, or being hated, don't give way to hating, and yet don't look too good, nor walk to wise; If you can dream- and not make dreams your master; If you can think- and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same; if you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, and stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools; if you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, and lose and start again at your beginnings and never breathe a word about your loss; if you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone, and so hold on when there is nothing in you except the will which says to them: 'Hold on!'; If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with kings-nor lose the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run, yours is the Earth and everything that's in it. You'll be a man my son. This poem is teaching us how to be mature and how to get the most out of life. A lot of things can be taken from different parts of this poem but what I have mostly taken is from the line that says "If you can dream and not make dreams your master." We are supposed to have dreams and goals in life but not so much that the dream consumes you. I dream of one day being a neuro surgeon like my father but I should not let that be all I worry about right now. Right now we need to enjoy life and make every second of every day count because we never know what could happen. We need to slow down and learn to appreciate the life we have. We need to make mistakes and not strive for perfection because that is the way we learn. We need to take that wrong bus stop and get lost. We need to run out of gas on some road trip and have to walk to a gas station because that's how we learn. We learn from our mistakes. We only have a certain time to be young and we need to live that time to the fullest. Even though we are legal adults and will be persuing our careers by getting a college degree, we are still children. We don't need to grow up to fast because we have this wonderful time right now to act like kids and have fun. We should save growing up for when it's absolutely necessary. We need to live every moment like it's our last because it very well could be. So, fellow class mates, enjoy the next stage in life we are approaching and appreciate it because things can happen in a blink."

I finished my speech and everyone clapped. I received my diploma and joined my classmates to throw our caps up. I was out of high school and ready to embrace the next stage of my life. I was better and now know that I will be a better person because of the rape. I am strong and I can make it through anything.

**So Blink is over **** Thank you for your continuous support. I didn't intend to end this right now but I just am not in the right emotional state to write a semi depressing story. I know the ending kind of sucked but at least I gave you one ;). Anyway, I love you guys, y'all are awesome.**

** -M**


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